Being sick while pregnant does have its effects. I am under medications again (a new set of antibiotics, cough and colds meds, asthma inhalers). It's getting a bit draining to take a lot of drugs every meal. The daily coughing and wheezing is starting to take its toll on me and even if I try hard not to, I feel like my positive outlook is beginning to crumble.
I cried a lot the other day. Maybe because I was too tired of coughing, I was too tired of taking these medications (aside from my prenatal vitamins) and I was guilty of not being able to assist hubby (financially or physically). I've got a lot of anxiety brewing.
- I don't think I would want to get pregnant again if it would be as hard as this pregnancy. Given my asthma and my reflux disease, the pregnancy difficulty has multiplied ten times over.
- I still have more or less three months to go and if my asthma or GERD continues to bother me, we might have to take some money from the savings account that is saved for my delivery to support the medications I need.
- I'm scared if I will be a good mom to Johan. Will I be able to breastfeed him? Will I be patient enough every time he cries?
- I want to work again after giving birth but I'm afraid I wouldn't want to once I've seen Johan. (Is it selfish of me to want financial freedom for myself and to be able to give more to Johan aside from what my husband could give?)
- I know that mine and hubby's lives will change dramatically with the arrival of Johan. I particularly will be the one taking care primarily of Johan. Are we going to remain the same happy couple or will we drift apart like some married couples I know?
I'm not sure if I am even allowed to have these thoughts but for the meantime I am allowing myself go over these things so I could put some of these anxieties to rest and go back to being the positive thinker that I normally am.