Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Life is A Rollercoaster

I am on bedrest again.

I've been having abdominal cramps on Wednesday last week which I didn't really take as anything serious.I thought that it's just the baby moving and my tummy must be expanding already so I went to work and dealt with the pain that entire day. Wrong decision. Come Thursday morning, the pain didn't really go away so I decided to go to my doctor already to have myself and the baby checked.

I was having contractions, again! This is my second child and I find it pretty stupid that I can't distinguish a mere abdominal pain from an actual contraction! My doctor advised me to take one to two weeks of complete bedrest which I didn't take happily. My leave credits at work are all gone, I finished all of those during the three week bedrest that I already took during my first trimester so that would mean that this new bedrest schedule will all be without pay. Haaayyyy, just when we really need to save up.

I cried in the car on the way home from the hospital, I cried during that night and I found myself crying during the day. I know this isn't good for me or the baby but I just had to let all the stress out of my system. I'm such a worrywart when it comes to financial matters even if I know that our savings has not entirely ran out. It's just that we are still paying for the car, Johan will be starting school, we have bills to pay, we have to save up for the caesarian delivery which my SSS maternity benefit cannot cover 100 % and we still haven't bought anything for the baby. Add to that the fact that my nails are ugly, my hair is ugly and I've been wearing the same clothes at work week after week.Okay, I'm blabbering nonsense already but that's how it is.

This pregnancy is really harder compared to when I had Johan. I told my husband it must be because when I was pregnant with Johan, I was not working and I don't have a toddler who demands my attention every minute. Don't get me wrong, I do love staying home with Johan as we get to play, bond and practice writing, but there are times when I really just want to lie down, put my feet up and rest. Having a toddler prevents me from doing that, well, except when he's sleeping.

I only want to have a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby. If it would mean I need to be on bedrest until time for delivery, then so be it. I'll just have to make the best of everything from I am given now, like time that I didn't have when I was going work. So, all the time that I have is now devoted to teaching Johan to write, to play pretend everyday, stalk people on Facebook and Instagram, watch Disney Channel endlessly and browse Pinterest.

Life is indeed a rollercoaster. I've done my share of screaming, I guess it's time that I try to enjoy the ride.

Struggling to remain positive,

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