So In Love

It's nearly two in the morning. Johan will be waking up in a few minutes for his feeding. I am just overwhelmed by our day to day routine that there are times that I just feel so down. Now, staring at my son sleep, it hit me. I love this little man to the core and I will do everything I can to protect him and nurture him. I am so in love with my son and I never realized I am capable of this huge amount of love until now.



Great Giveaway for Breastfeeding Moms

There is a great giveaway for nursing moms like me on the Chronicles of a Nursing Mom blog. Now that I am trying to wean my son from the mixed feeding he started out with and to try to fully breastfeed him, I have experienced cracked and sore nipples. Probably because his latch is incorrect or maybe just because my son demands more milk everyday and wants to feed almost every hour.

Fab Naima will be giving away the Motherlove Nipple Cream - A softening salve for sore, cracked nursing nipples that quickly heals skin and relieves discomfort. All ingredients are safe for ingestion, so it does not need to be washed off prior to nursing.
 

For more information on this giveaway, visit Chronicles of a Nursing Mom.

Thanks, Ma!

The old saying is true, "You won't know the value of your mom until you become a mom yourself."

My Mama has always been there for me - every hospital visit, every graduation ceremony, annual enrolment, she's even with me on some of my job applications right after graduation. She's that supportive and that's how much she loves me.

I never realized how much I truly value her until I gave birth to Johan. That's when I knew how much pain she went through when she gave birth to me and my five other siblings. The sleepless nights I am now having with Johan, the anxiety of raising a kid and the ups and downs of having a newborn was multiplied by six for her. Now, I can really say she's a super mom for going through all that compared to me who's always on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

When I was in labor on October 4, she again proved how a great mom she is to me. I sent her a text message at 3am telling her that I think my water bag broke. She was already awake and she told me she's on her way and that she'll meet me at the hospital. Unfortunately, she was not allowed inside the Delivery Room. She must have been a nervous wreck that entire 16 hours of my labor that she found a way how to enter the Labor Room without the nurses and the doctors noticing. She said she wanted to make sure I was okay. When she came in I just cried. It was such a relief when I saw her face and then she whispered to me, "Kaya mo yan, te. Lakasan mo lang ang loob mo and pray ka lang." She then slipped a rosary bracelet on my wrist and told me everything will be okay. And everything did turn out okay.

All throughout my pregnancy she traveled to and from Laguna to Manila just to visit me and to accompany me to the mall everytime I got bored. When we moved to Cavite right after we got discharged from the hospital, she was almost here everyday checking on me and Johan. She allowed me to rest the whole night and almost the entire day when Johan and I came to Laguna last Friday for a short vacation. Mama (and Papa) are the ones who get up at dawn to carry the crying Johan and to change his diaper. Mama was the one who put Johan to sleep lying on her chest. Even if she was too tired the whole day, she will always get up when Johan stirs in his sleep just so I could have that much needed rest.

Mama truly is exceptional and I love her more now that I have Johan.

We love you, Loli and we'll be back there in Pacita soon!

And He Smiled

Sometimes the sound of Johan's crying gets to me especially during days when I barely slept or when my CS stitch is aching. But, there are too many priceless moments that overshadow the not-so-good ones. Here's what tops it off.

And here are a few runners-up:



As what I usually whisper to him many times everyday, "I love you, Anak. God bless you, Anak".

Mama Cow

I've read many articles about breastfeeding, I've also talked to moms who are breastfeeding their babies and I knew that I want to do the same with my baby. With the many benefits that breast milk provides for the babies, I know that I am doing what is best for Johan.

After more than two weeks, I'm still doing mixed feeding. I don't think my milk is enough to last the entire day for Johan. I give him a bottle of formula only twice a day and the rest of his feeding is breastfed. His feeding schedule is every 3 hours with 3 ounces of milk. Hopefully, in the coming days I will be able to purely breastfeed Johan and eventually stop giving him formula.

The first day that I expressed milk I only saved barely 2 ounces, not even enough for one feeding. But, eventually my milk quantity increased and I was even able to express more than four ounces of milk in one pumping session. I'm doing manual pumping for now as advised by his pedia since according to her manual pumping will stimulate my breasts to produce more milk.

Yes, I'm a Mama Cow and proud to be one.

My first ever pumped breast milk - barely 2 ounces

Filled to the brim - more than four ounces of breast milk

On Being a Mom

A few posts back, I wrote about my anxieties on becoming a first time mom. I've had high and low points on my first two weeks as a new mom, I have been on an emotional rollercoaster ride everyday.

There are times that the sleepless nights and endless diaper changes gets to me making it harder for me to function the entire day. I do get frustrated when I can't stop my son from crying even after trying different positions of carrying him and he just stops when he was carried by a different person. It irritates me sometimes when another person beats me to my son whenever he is just starting to cry. I know they only meant to help but please allow me to become a mom to my son first. It panics me and sends me to tears whenever my son vomits and some of it comes out from his nose. I hate how I smell the whole day - a combination of baby's vomit, urine and my own breastmilk until I can have a decent bath at the end of the day only to smell the same again after only an hour.

But, I love it when my son smiles in his sleep making me want to come into his dream to know what he's smiling about. I love it that he already recognizes my voice and instinctively moves his head to where my voice was coming from. I love our bedtime routine of sponge bath, change of clothes and me singing to him some nursery rhymes - I could tell that his favorites are Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Rock-a-Bye Baby because he usually drifts off to sleep after I sang these two songs over and over. I love the sweet smell of my baby's breath, the way his fingers curl to hold one of mine, his cute little feet and soft chubby cheeks. I love how he coos back in return after I whisper, "I love you, Anak." as if to say, "I love you, too, Mommy."

I know there will be more things to come, expected or unexpected. I maybe ready, I maybe not. But, I'll take everything a little at a time, one new Mommy step at a time.

My Birthing Story

We have been waiting for our little one to arrive as early as September 13. My OB informed us that we should expect Johan Matthew to arrive from that date until October 4th. By our September 25 check up, I have been 1cm dilated already and that lasted for two more weeks until October 4.

October 4, 3:00 a.m.
I woke up feeling a little wet down there. I stayed in bed and observed myself first before I got up and went down to the bathroom to check. Confirmed, my water bag has broken but there's not a lot of water coming out, just a small amount of fluid enough to fill the liner that I was wearing.

October 4, 3:15 a.m.
I felt more than just a small gush of water came out so I went down  to the bathroom again to check and this time I saw small traces of pinkish fluid which I assumed as blood. I went back to the bedroom and went online deciding to wait for contractions to begin before I wake my sleeping husband and before I inform my OB.

October 4, 4:00 a.m.
I started preparing my bag and added things like cellphone chargers and PSP. I checked the documents and the admission order given by my OB and made sure that everything is in my bag. Contractions are now 5-7 minutes apart. I woke husband up and told him I think it is time.

October 4, 4:45 a.m.
I called my OB and told her we're on our way to the hospital. Contractions are 3-5 minutes apart.

October 4, 5:00 a.m.
We arrived at the hospital and I was immediately ushered to the Delivery Room to have myself assessed. The resident OB did an internal exam and it appeared that I was still 1cm dilated but my OB ordered them to admit me already since my water bag has already ruptured.

October 4, 6:00 a.m.
I was moved from the IE room to the Labor Room. When I arrived there was only one other pregnant mom in labor and upon talking to her I learned that we are both first time moms and she was expecting a girl and she has been there since the night before. I was hooked up to a fetal monitor to check the baby's heart beat and also to monitor how frequent my contractions are becoming.

October 4, 7:00 a.m.
Another IE was done and my cervix has not moved from the 1cm dilation. Contractions are still 3-5 minutes apart lasting 30 seconds each.

October 4, 10:00 a.m.
My OB finally arrived and checked me. After doing another IE, we learned that I only moved another 1 cm making me only 2cm dilated after 7 hours since my water bag broke.

October 4, 12:00 noon
My OB decided to give me some drug to induce labor and to hasten my dilation. The drug worked in inducing labor. The contractions and the pain doubled up since the drug was given to me and I was really squirming in bed from the pain. But, it did not help in dilating my cervix. The resident doctor then passed me a note from my mom and sister cheering me on that I can do it and just keep praying.

October 4, 3:00 p.m.
It has been 12 hours since my water bag broke. I was in so much pain but never did I scream out loud. I just bit into the towel that I was holding whenever a contraction is starting to drown out any scream that would come out. I was uring myself to stay strong for my baby and all this pain will be gone once Johan Matthew arrives. By this time, my OB decided to give me my epidural even if I was only 3 cm dilated after seeing how much pain I was in.

October 4, 6:00 p.m.
Another IE was done, sadly, I was only 4 cm dilated. After hours and hours of labor, my cervix just won't cooperate and open up to let my baby slide out. I was begging my OB by this time for another shot of epidural since the first one that was administered didn't really do it's job of easing me off the pain. I was even contemplating on having a CS Delivery instead because I was in so much pain. My mother found a way to let herself in the Labor Room. She was really worried about me since it's been 15 hours already and knowing how low my tolerance to pain is she is almost sure I was having a difficult time. When I saw her, all my restraints were lost. I cried and told her I can't do this anymore, that I am in so much pain and I cannot wait another 3 more hours not knowing if my cervix will fully dilate by then. I'm sure she talked to my OB when she went out and told her to do a CS delivery instead.

October 4, 7:00 p.m.
I was wheeled in from the Labor Room to the Operating Room. My OB decided it is best to do a CS Delivery and I was made to sign a form. I was prepped up, anesthesia was injected in my spine, I was hooked up to an IV, a heart monitor and a curtain was put up just below my head to cover the operation that they will be doing. Once the anesthesia took effect, the chills began. I really thought I was dying because I was chilling pretty bad, I cannot open my mouth to talk, I had difficulty in breathing and I vomitted twice.

October 4, 7:27 p.m.
My OB announced, "Baby Out" and I finally heard my baby's first cry. I tried hard to move my head so I could take a peek but I could not see my baby. I think they moved him to another room to clean him because his cries sounded far by then. Later on, my OB told me she showed me Johan Matthew after he was cleansed but I don't have any memory of our first encounter. All I remember was his first cry and for me that was the sweetest thing I heard after being in labor for more than 16 hours.

It was never an easy labor for me, very far from what I thought I would be experiencing but I was glad I went through all the pain before delivering via Caesarian Section. The pain and the tears were all made worth it by our little Johan Matthew. Was I traumatized by it? Honestly, yes, I was scared to death when they moved me to the operating room table. Would I do it again for a second baby? Probably not, but ask me again after 4 years when I have enjoyed our Johan's company enough until he's ready for school.

Giving birth is never an easy thing but every ache and pain is worth it when you see your little one. For me, everything is definitely worth it. Everything for our little one will be worth it. :)

Alive, Kicking and Adjusting

I am still alive - although for more than 16 hours last Monday, October 4, I really felt like I was dying.
I am kicking - just a few short kicks now that I can move a little bit easier.
I am adjusting - to the huge shift from my role as merely a housewife to a new mom.

Yes, you read that right! After weeks of frustration of waiting for little Johan Matthew to arrive. The moment finally came last October 4, 2010 at 7:27 pm. Our literally little big man arrived via CSD weighing 7 lbs and 11 ounces with length of 51 centimeters.

I'll be leaving you with that for now and a little photo of our little angel as I am still recovering from the operation and is still adjusting to the many sleepless nights and endless diaper changes. Look out for more mommy kwentos in the following days.

Guess the Body Part

Our little Johan is moving less these past few days. Probably because there’s not much space inside my tummy to move around. But, just the other night as I was preparing to sleep I felt my tummy bunch up in the middle and it became really pointy. Then something long and thin reflected on the left side of my tummy. My husband came to the bed and we inspected it. We exchanged guesses me guessing that it was probably Johan’s arm but hubby said it could be his leg. Well, whatever it is, it sure made us both excited and more anxious to meet this little man. I’ll be 40 weeks tomorrow according to Babystrology on my side bar and we are hoping that Johan comes out soon so I won’t have to be induced by my OB next week.

So excited!!

Photo above courtesy of Corrine’s Blog.

Where is home?

A friend texted me last week when I told her of my lab tests and she replied back with: “I pray that you will have a safe delivery and when Johan is born, that you and he will be able to leave the hospital together and make your way home.”

But, where exactly is home?

I know I’ve been very vocal about wanting our own place. But, that longing has doubled up now that I’ll be giving birth anytime soon. Hubby and I had a long talk about this a few months ago and it has been decided that we will move to their house in Cavite after I give birth. Then, recent issues had me stressed out and I told him I do not want to move there anymore instead I want us to find a place to rent. I’ve been crying over it for days (blame it partly on the hormones for this huge outburst of emotion and really my reasons are quite reasonable). I just don’t want to discuss it further here.

So, we had another long, serious talk about it. We weighed the pros and cons and he told me to just try it out first in Cavite. If it doesn’t work out and if my reasons proved to be true then we’ll be moving out. If I don’t love my husband enough I would have stood my ground and firmly tell him no. But, I do and I know he’s already stressed out (surely more than I am) so I gave in. Temporarily. At least.

Our Love Story is Featured in A Match Made In Heaven

I’m so kilig as of the moment and I feel like we’re celebrities. Hehe. Thanks so much, Sis Mei for featuring our love story.


Please click on the image to view our story.

False Alarm (again?)

Right now, I’m feeling very mild contractions, I guess. It’s pretty hard to be a first-time expectant mom as I really don’t have any idea if what I’m feeling are really contractions or if these may be something that has been brought about by me trying to feel everything. OA lang, in short.

I’m just bothered by some spotting but I’m still observing myself and decided to wait a little bit more before I call my OB. It’s just a little spotting anyway and from what I read it’s a sign of false labor unless there’s blood or if my water bag broke. According to What to Expect When You’re Expecting, it is just the way my body prepares for true labor.


I sure hope my body’s preparing already. I will be seeing my mom tomorrow and we plan to do some serious walking at the mall and hopefully by Saturday, true labor comes full blast. I’ll be 39 weeks by tomorrow so it’s not so bad to give birth over the weekend.

I’ll keep you posted.

Impatience is Getting to Me

I’m already on my 38th week and really I am just praying that I give birth this coming weekend. I don’t know if it’s normal to feel cranky and weepy at this stage of my pregnancy but lately I’ve been feeling really sad and disappointed for not giving birth last weekend after I felt that I was having labor pains early Friday morning until the morning of Saturday. When we came in for our weekly check up and my OB did an internal exam it showed that my cervix is still closed.


I was really disappointed and by Sunday afternoon, I felt the bouts of depression(?) kicking in. I was feeling overly tired these last few days. Moving around has been doubly difficult, the pain in my lower back has multiplied, my GERD (reflux) came back and this makes it very hard to sleep as the acid from my stomach moves up to my esophagus and I recently developed a cold which I felt would lead to cough as my throat is mildly hurting now. I am feeling down and I just want this pregnancy to be over.

I don’t know if I’m even allowed to have this feeling but it sent me to tears on Sunday night when Johan moved inside my tummy. It’s as if he can feel that I’m tired of carrying him around all the time. I’m not tired of carrying him, I’m just tired. Generally tired.

Earning Money Online

I’ve always been searching for ways to earn money online. I am registered to various Pay to Click websites and I’ve been earning a bit from these.  I haven’t transferred my balances yet to my paypal account because I haven’t reached the minimum amount for pay out but I am sharing you the links to two of the websites here. Just click on the banners to learn more and to register.

At neobux, you can earn simply by viewing all the advertisements we display.

At Readbud, you only have check for available Articles, then read and rate them to earn. You also get to choose 50 topics that interest you and you will receive articles based on the topics that you have chosen. 

What’s Next?

Now that my pregnancy is coming to a close, what with more or less 2 weeks before Labor Day, I can’t stop myself from wondering what comes next. I know that this pregnancy has never been a “walk in the park” but still I think it is fairly easy compared to motherhood – I only have to follow my doctor’s orders, take my prenatal vitamins and asthma maintenance medications, take the much required bed rest, stop working. But, when it comes to motherhood, saying that I’m scared is an understatement.

I’m worried that I won’t have the patience to take care of my son, especially during the night when I would be already so tired to comfort him or feed him. I’m worried that I won’t have enough milk for him – I seriously want to exclusively breastfeed Johan after reading up on all the pros of bfeeding. I’m worried that I won’t be able to provide him with everything he will be needing. I’m worried that I’d be the first to break down should my son get sick and I won’t be able to assist him to the hospital – I’m pretty sure I’ll be the first to cry if ever he’ll need to be pricked by needles. Most of all, I’m worried that I won’t be a good enough mother to him.

I know that I sometimes go overboard with worrying. Hubby does remind me numerous times that not everything in this world will go according to plan. But, this is just how I am. I worry even at the most mundane of things and I only want the best for those around me.


Nevertheless, I also know that I have a great support group to back me up should the “lowliest of motherhood times” come knocking at my door. There’s always my husband who will remind me that I am doing a great job at being a mother no matter what, my mom who will send me messages of support and advice, my also-mom-cousins who will share with me their own experiences as mothers, my aunts who will keep telling me that there’s nothing impossible with prayers and there’s also my e-group NewlyWedsatWork to answer my questions or even just to share how I am having a bad day.

I won the Pic of the Week at MomCenter!

For everyone who voted for me, many many thanks! According to Momcenter, all winners will be notified via email at the end of this month. I wonder what I won, I hope it’ll be something good and useful for Johan! I’m excited!

Pregnancy Update – 37 weeks and 4 days

• Mild contractions (Braxton Hicks) are getting frequent. Usually, they happen very early in the morning around 4am.
• I am super, super tired all the time and I think I am at my ugliest at this entire pregnancy.
• My blood pressure has returned to my norm of 100/70.
• I only gained one pound since my last check up two weeks ago, I’m now 137 lbs.
• Our check up will be weekly now.
• Johan’s approximate weight is now 6.8 lbs (I don’t know if it’s just me or is it really huge for a baby still inside the tummy?)
• I was asked by my OB to do some tests last Saturday – urinalysis, CBC, activated PTT and Prothombin time – which yielded questionable results.
• I was asked to return to the hospital yesterday, Monday, for more tests and to discuss the results of last Saturday’s lab tests. They found bacteria in my urine so I gave another sample to be cultured. As for the blood tests, they found that the percentage of my blood clotting is below normal. The normal is 75%, mine is only 54%. That means, there is a chance that I might lose blood when I give birth. My OB asked that I do two more blood tests, blood clotting time and bleeding time. All the results will be discussed on our next check up on Saturday.
• I was already given admission orders by my OB.
• I’ve been having dreams about Johan lately. I can see his face clearly, he’s “maputi” and he’s chinito like his mom but he got the thick hair and the long lashes of his dad.
• I can’t wait to see our little one soon. I am kinda praying I give birth this coming Saturday, September 18. That way, all my family members and relatives can visit us at the hospital because it’s a weekend.

37 Weeks and a Day

My baby officially is full termed – as what I’ve read about in pregnancy articles and books. 37 weeks is considered full term. I know I haven’t been posting as often as I used to. This must be due to the feeling of overly tired everyday and I wake up late every morning so breakfast and lunch are usually taken as one. But, today it’s different.

It’s only 5 in the morning and I’m already up and about. I woke up around 4:30 with a sharp pain at my back. I didn’t know if it was labor pains already so I got up and waited for contractions to begin. There were mild contractions but not nearly as frequent as those of true labor pains – again from what I’ve heard or read.

So, I just went downstairs and prepared myself some breakfast of fried rice, eggs and longganisa. The pain on my lower back is still there although not as sharp as earlier. I can still feel some contractions – these may just be Braxton Hicks but we’ll know later when we come in for our check up.

Well, my water bag didn’t break yet so this may just be a false alarm.

Please Vote for Me

 

I recently joined the Pic of the Week contest at Momcenter and my picture was accepted for this week. Votes will be tallied starting today until Friday only so please vote for me. :)

How to vote:

1. Click on this link: MomCenter Pic of the Week
2. Point your mouse over the Vote Now button and click on Pregnant Moms
3. My entry is shirleymae08 – a picture of a pregnant me holding alphabet blocks spelling out Johan’s name. Just enter your email address and the verification code. Tick mark the I accept all terms and conditions box.
4. Click Submit my Vote

Thanks, thanks everyone!

Some Things I Miss

I woke up to an overcast sky and felt very nostalgic very early in the morning.

• I miss my friend Cherry. We used to work together in Alabang until I resigned and moved to another company. We still hung out even after my resignation but when I got married and moved to Manila we saw each other less. “Bru, I miss our movie and Starbucks dates. Our daily laugh trips over RX’s Top Ten and the Boys’ Night Out kalokohan.”
• I miss walking along Madrigal Business Park and Ayala Ave. at night. I used to work on the night shift and even though scary at times I find it peaceful to walk at night – less people, less vehicles, less pollution.
• I miss being able to scour the streets of Divisoria and going to Quiapo Church on a first friday. This huge baby bump is the reason why I can’t go anymore. :)
• Of course, it is exciting that Johan is going to arrive soon, but there are times like these that I miss being single and just make plans for myself. This feeling doesn’t linger anyway and goes away as fast as it came.