I’m already on my 38th week and really I am just praying that I give birth this coming weekend. I don’t know if it’s normal to feel cranky and weepy at this stage of my pregnancy but lately I’ve been feeling really sad and disappointed for not giving birth last weekend after I felt that I was having labor pains early Friday morning until the morning of Saturday. When we came in for our weekly check up and my OB did an internal exam it showed that my cervix is still closed.
I was really disappointed and by Sunday afternoon, I felt the bouts of depression(?) kicking in. I was feeling overly tired these last few days. Moving around has been doubly difficult, the pain in my lower back has multiplied, my GERD (reflux) came back and this makes it very hard to sleep as the acid from my stomach moves up to my esophagus and I recently developed a cold which I felt would lead to cough as my throat is mildly hurting now. I am feeling down and I just want this pregnancy to be over.
I don’t know if I’m even allowed to have this feeling but it sent me to tears on Sunday night when Johan moved inside my tummy. It’s as if he can feel that I’m tired of carrying him around all the time. I’m not tired of carrying him, I’m just tired. Generally tired.