Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Now that my pregnancy is coming to a close, what with more or less 2 weeks before Labor Day, I can’t stop myself from wondering what comes next. I know that this pregnancy has never been a “walk in the park” but still I think it is fairly easy compared to motherhood – I only have to follow my doctor’s orders, take my prenatal vitamins and asthma maintenance medications, take the much required bed rest, stop working. But, when it comes to motherhood, saying that I’m scared is an understatement.
I’m worried that I won’t have the patience to take care of my son, especially during the night when I would be already so tired to comfort him or feed him. I’m worried that I won’t have enough milk for him – I seriously want to exclusively breastfeed Johan after reading up on all the pros of bfeeding. I’m worried that I won’t be able to provide him with everything he will be needing. I’m worried that I’d be the first to break down should my son get sick and I won’t be able to assist him to the hospital – I’m pretty sure I’ll be the first to cry if ever he’ll need to be pricked by needles. Most of all, I’m worried that I won’t be a good enough mother to him.
I know that I sometimes go overboard with worrying. Hubby does remind me numerous times that not everything in this world will go according to plan. But, this is just how I am. I worry even at the most mundane of things and I only want the best for those around me.
Nevertheless, I also know that I have a great support group to back me up should the “lowliest of motherhood times” come knocking at my door. There’s always my husband who will remind me that I am doing a great job at being a mother no matter what, my mom who will send me messages of support and advice, my also-mom-cousins who will share with me their own experiences as mothers, my aunts who will keep telling me that there’s nothing impossible with prayers and there’s also my e-group NewlyWedsatWork to answer my questions or even just to share how I am having a bad day.
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