What They Didn't Tell me About Motherhood

I received lots of advice on motherhood since I became one in 2010 when I gave birth to Johan. Back then, I was told how to raise a kid, how not to spoil my child, how to discipline. The advice changed when I became a Mom to two boys in 2014 after giving birth to Jeron. Now, the advice vary from how to prevent sibling rivalry, what to do when the boys start fighting, how not to show favoritism.

Yet, 7 years into this and still there are more than a few times that I surprise myself with the learnings, my emotions and my patience (or the lack thereof). So, here I am, listing down the good and the not so good things I learned while being Mom.

Life is A Rollercoaster

I am on bedrest again.

I've been having abdominal cramps on Wednesday last week which I didn't really take as anything serious.I thought that it's just the baby moving and my tummy must be expanding already so I went to work and dealt with the pain that entire day. Wrong decision. Come Thursday morning, the pain didn't really go away so I decided to go to my doctor already to have myself and the baby checked.

I was having contractions, again! This is my second child and I find it pretty stupid that I can't distinguish a mere abdominal pain from an actual contraction! My doctor advised me to take one to two weeks of complete bedrest which I didn't take happily. My leave credits at work are all gone, I finished all of those during the three week bedrest that I already took during my first trimester so that would mean that this new bedrest schedule will all be without pay. Haaayyyy, just when we really need to save up.

I cried in the car on the way home from the hospital, I cried during that night and I found myself crying during the day. I know this isn't good for me or the baby but I just had to let all the stress out of my system. I'm such a worrywart when it comes to financial matters even if I know that our savings has not entirely ran out. It's just that we are still paying for the car, Johan will be starting school, we have bills to pay, we have to save up for the caesarian delivery which my SSS maternity benefit cannot cover 100 % and we still haven't bought anything for the baby. Add to that the fact that my nails are ugly, my hair is ugly and I've been wearing the same clothes at work week after week.Okay, I'm blabbering nonsense already but that's how it is.

This pregnancy is really harder compared to when I had Johan. I told my husband it must be because when I was pregnant with Johan, I was not working and I don't have a toddler who demands my attention every minute. Don't get me wrong, I do love staying home with Johan as we get to play, bond and practice writing, but there are times when I really just want to lie down, put my feet up and rest. Having a toddler prevents me from doing that, well, except when he's sleeping.

I only want to have a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby. If it would mean I need to be on bedrest until time for delivery, then so be it. I'll just have to make the best of everything from I am given now, like time that I didn't have when I was going work. So, all the time that I have is now devoted to teaching Johan to write, to play pretend everyday, stalk people on Facebook and Instagram, watch Disney Channel endlessly and browse Pinterest.

Life is indeed a rollercoaster. I've done my share of screaming, I guess it's time that I try to enjoy the ride.

Struggling to remain positive,

Books We Love: How do I Love You?

How do I Love You is written and illustrated by P. K. Hallinan and is one of our current favorite reads during bedtime. Johan loves the illustrations while the words sends me close to tears every time. Read why:

How do I love you?

Let me count the ways.

I love you on your very best

and very worst of days.

I love to see you laughing and dancing in the rain;

And even when you lose your shoes, I love you just the same.

I love to hear you singing.

I love to see you smile.

I love the way you take each day in your own unhurried style.

I’m happy when you’re happy,

and I’m sorry when you’re sad.

And even though it may not show, I love you when you’re bad.

How do I love you? Well, now let me see…

I love the way you act so brave when you fall and hurt your knee.

I love to watch you sleeping, tucked away in dreams,

I love to hear you whisper all your giant plans and schemes.

I love the way you wear your pants with the front part in the back.

And the way you walk around sometimes with your head inside a sack.

I love to see you deep in thought.

I love to watch you play.

And though I’m sure you’ll never know it, I love you more each day.

How do I love you? It’s impossible to say.

For if I had a million days and time enough for all the praise,

I couldn’t tell you all the ways…I LOVE YOU!

Comfort Food

Weekends are the only time I can actually cook for my son. I usually take the opportunity whenever it's just the two of us that's left at home because I get stressed out when hubby or MIL looks over to what I am cooking. I feel like I am being judged for my cooking inability. :)

So, yesterday when they all went to Manila and I chose to stay home with Johan, I looked at what we have in stock and cooked.

Yeah, I know, where's the effort there when all I really had to do was mix everything together. I chose to cook Carbonara since it won't take so much time, which I don't have given that Johan won't let me out of his sight for more than 5 mins. Plus, I don't get to eat this too often as the people I'm living with favors spaghetti over this dish.

When I was done, I was scared Johan won't like it since that'll be the first time he'll be having Carbonara. But, boy, was I surprised when he finished the entire plate I laid out for him and kept on pointing his finger at me, saying, "A best!" which translates to "You're the best!".

As evening came, something stressed me out too much I almost had an asthma attack. I had to get out of the house into the backyard to cool off and calm myself. When I went back in, I thought I needed comfort food. 

So, I made this:

My own version of Banana Split had two Bananas, scoops of Ube and Cheese Ice Cream, Condensed Milk instead of Chocolate Syrup and chunks of Cadbury Fruit and Nut. 

I was in sweet heaven! Comfort food did the trick and I was feeling a whole lot better when I finished the treat.

Sick Mommy

I have a bad case of colds since Monday, I even thought I won't be able to go to work today but, I've been dragging myself out of bed everyday thinking that soon it'll be the weekend and I will finally have the time to rest.

Ironically, this has also been my busiest week so far - with changes at work, meeting and webinar schedules piling on top of each other - I found myself rushing today from a team meeting to a webinar that I totally forgot I was scheduled to take.

Ahh, I really can't wait for the weekend. Another thing that I feel bad about is this:

Hubby's niece had a school competition and since nobody will be left at home to care for Johan, my in-laws brought him to the school as well. I heard he's had lots of fun running around the place, looking at the dinosaur statues, playing with the other kids and dancing along with the cheer dancers. Too bad I wasn't there to see my son's amazed look when he saw the dinosaurs or heard him laugh while dancing.

I should have been there. :(

Within Range

I got my FBS result already and I am so relieved to see that my Glucose is within normal limits. According to the laboratory record my Glucose is at 4.73 mmol/L and the normal range is 3.89-5.50 mmol/L. I can finally breathe!

This diabetes scare made me realize how important it is to take care of myself. I am not getting any younger and if I want to see my son marry the girl of his dreams, then I better start eating healthy.

It's hard to say no to sweets which makes any day better and to ever reliable Coke to quench my thirst, but inch by inch I know I'll get there. I have to, not just for myself but for my family as well.

So, Diabetes, I'm sorry but the answer is no, not now, not ever (I hope).

Saturday Impromptu Date

Hubby had a dentist appointment this afternoon to (finally!) have his braces removed. He went to the dentist clinic alone but came back sooner. He said he's still on the waiting list and it'll probably take a while before his number is called so he came back to pick us up. We'll go to SM afterwards to run a few errands.

When we arrived at the dentist's clinic, there was still a patient inside so I decided to bring Johan to Jollibee to pass the time as I'm sure that the little boy's patience is shorter than mine and hubby's. :)

As expected, Johan's face automatically lit up when he saw his favorite mascot and when asked what he wanted to order, his immediate answer was, "fe fies". Fe Fies, it is!

Here are a few photos of our impromptu date:

Oh yes, he loves his fries! He can't wait to eat not one but two at the same time!

Johan also loves drinking Pineapple Juice.

Spending time with Johan is always fun and I'm planning to start an exclusive Mommy and Johan Saturday date. I'm already looking forward to next Saturday.

Hmm, where should I bring this little cutie next time?

By the way, if in case you're wondering if we ever made it to SM. No, we did not because this little boy probably had too much fries and pineapple juice, he made a tiny accident when we went back to the dentist's clinic after our Jollibee date. And the ever efficient Mommy chose today of all days to forget to bring an extra set of clothes. But, good thing is, we still have tomorrow to go to SM! Another date!

Ba-Bu

Ba-bu
[ba-boo]
idiom

Johan's current addition to his growing vocabulary. I know it sounds like the Filipino word for sink but I like it that way coming from my little man. There may be different versions: A-yu, A-bu, Ya-yu, but nevertheless, they all mean the same and even though my young Johan cannot grasp yet the true meaning of the phrase, our hearts swell every single time he mentions it, after he kisses us, more than a dozen times every single day.

Ba-bu is Johan's way of saying, I love you.

And we love you, too, dear boy.

Always have, always will.

Most Spoken Words

Uh-oh and Oh No.

Whenever the bed covers are a mess, "Oh no!"

Whenever there are some new writings on the wall, courtesy of him, "Uh-oh."

When something dropped on the floor, accidentally or not, "Oh no!"

When there is a new hole on the window screens because he pushed a crayon into it, "Uh-oh."

When his food dropped on the table or on the floor, "Oh no!", because he hates messes as much as Mommy does.

In certain scenes of his two favorite movies, Cars 1 and Cars 2, Johan says "Uh-oh" and "Oh no!" in great timing.

It is so cute and Johan says it with just the right facial expression and tone that anybody within hearing distance would surely end up laughing.

My Little Artist

Any mom who has a toddler at home can surely relate to this. I'm so tired of scrubbing our walls every weekend just to have it filled up again with scribbles the next day. My son's current favorite are crayons and he'd write on any surface, even our LED TV became a victim to his artistic prowess, much to hubby's shock. Hehe.

Here is my little artist caught in the act

Last weekend, I found the solution to my dilemma. I brought out cartolina paper and pasted it on our wall telling Johan to just draw on the paper. And draw he did!

Johan drawing away. Here he's saying "Sta!" for stars, he's trying to copy
the stars that I've drawn

My son's work of art =)

Imagine if I hadn't thought of putting up the cartolina paper, our wall would have looked like that and my hands would have been numb from scrubbing it all off. :)

More Time with the Tot

If there's one thing that's turned out for the positive with our computer breaking down, it's that I get to spend more time with Johan. Before, I only spend 30 minutes to an hour, at most, bonding with him when I get home before I turn the lights off and send him to bed.

For the last two weeks, I spent 3 hours every night playing with my son, watching and dancing with him during the Hotdog Song in Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, played basketball and cheered every single time he shoots the ball.

I can see that he loves this "more" time that Mommy spends with him every night and that's the reason why I don't nag hubby to have the computer fixed that much anymore.

Rainy Tagaytay Trip

We headed up to Tagaytay yesterday to break in our new car. The morning was good because even though it's not a particularly sunny day, at least it's not raining when we left the house. But, it's drizzling when we reached Tagaytay City. It's also a good thing though because it made the trip seem like a real Tagaytay trip - with the fog and very cool climate.

On our way to Tagaytay, as soon as the car moved, Johan's already sleepy

Foggy Tagaytay - I love it!

We just drove down the road leading to Nasugbu trying to catch the sign going to the Pink Sisters Chapel but to no avail. I cannot remember where we should turn right nor did we see any signs. So, we just went ahead and drove straight to Calaruega.

The road leading to Calaruega is the same at is was two years ago when we
first came here to visit - still bumpy and unfixed

 

When we arrived, Johan kept on pointing at several things - the trees ("Tee, tee!"), the fountain ("Ter, ter!") and the cars ("Caa, Caa!"). Hehe. I guess he's pretty much excited with the new place.

Johan's at this age where he knows how to follow instructions. In this photo, I just told him to sit and look at me while I take his picture. And sit and look he did!

A Splash of Fun

I don't know if some parents allow their small children out to take showers when it's raining. I don't let Johan go outside when it is raining for fear that he might catch a cold or something.

But, he did get a close idea how it feels to shower in the rain when we were at my parents' house last week. His Loli, my mom, got this crazy idea to bathe Johan in the garden using our garden hose. And the little one loved it!

Kahit malunod-lunod na cya. Hehe!

Now, I'm thinking, we should have a garden hose installed here as well. Uhm, Dad?

#spendingordinarydayswithJohan

Johan's Favorite Beverage(s)

Johan loves to try everything, nowadays. Whenever me or hubby is eating/drinking something, it is always a sure thing that Johan would try to snatch whatever's in our hands to taste it himself. Here are some of his fave:

The ever tasty taho or beancurd pudding

When we went home to my parents' house last week, Johan drank taho bought from the same magtataho vendor that we bought from since me and my siblings were little. Mang Jerry has me when I was kid and now he is serving my kid.

It was too late when he realized that the disposable glass of the taho is too
soft on his hands. He pressed hard and there goes his taho - all over his face!

When we ate at Hap Chan, Johan wanted to taste my Milk Tea.

He loved it so much, we even transferred some to his bottle.

He also loves pineapple juice and strawberry flavored probiotic drink from Bear Brand. Weirdly, though, he doesn't like the taste of Yakult. I wonder why. 

A Working Mom's Struggle

Last Friday, I came home to Johan looking like this:

MIL told me that Johan got the wound near his eye when a pencil, which he and his cousin were fighting over, hit him, while the wound on his cheek, she didn't have a clue how Johan got.

I was trying so hard controlling my anger that I barely heard the rest of the story how Johan ended up with wounds on his face. There were so many things I wanted to say like, "how many times do I have to remind everybody in the house that Johan is not supposed to get hold of all things sharp, pointed and heavy", "how in the world would one not know how Johan got that long wound across his cheek". But, I kept my mouth shut knowing that like me, my MIL surely didn't want that to happen and probably she's feeling more guilty than I am at that moment.

Yes, I was feeling guilty and I cried out of that guilt. I even talked to hubby over YM and told him how I was feeling. This might not have happened if I didn't go back to work and was still a full time SAHM to Johan. Before I went back to working, I was a super hands-on Mom - I didn't let Johan out of my sight for one second, he didn't have access to anything sharp or pointed or heavy, I made sure he wore pajamas before he went out of the house so he won't have wounds on his knees when he falls down and I'm always, always near him to catch him before he even falls.

I'm sure most moms understand me and like most working moms, I am struggling. I am struggling to keep a certain balance between my career and my family. I am struggling to make the most out of my time to spend every spare minute I have with my son - even if that meant sacrificing a well-deserved rest that I badly needed these days.

Last Friday night, I hugged my son tight and said sorry over and over. I'm sorry for not being there to keep him from getting hurt. I'm sorry that I have to spend a whole lot of time separate from him. And I'm sorry I'm missing so much of his growth.


I'd rather be a mother than anyone on earth
Bringing up a child or two of unpretentious birth...
I'd rather tuck a little child all safe and sound in bed
than twine a chain of diamonds about my [carefree] head.
I'd rather wash a smudgy face with round, bright, baby eyes
Than paint the pageantry of fame or walk among the wise.
-- Meredith Gray



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