Should I or Should I Not?

It’s been days that I’ve been (seriously) thinking about this without arriving at a definite plan. Before giving birth, my mind was set on getting back to work a few months after delivery. Some friends told me then that I might not want to go back to work once Johan arrives but I was adamant on my plan. I was so sure that I would want to work even if Johan arrives.

Now, three months later, what my friends told me proved to be true. I’m finding it hard to apply for a job not because I’m scared I won’t get accepted but because I’m scared the company would call me immediately and hire me. I don’t think I’m ready to leave Johan at home on a daily basis. Just thinking about not being the one giving him a bath, not being there during playtimes, not seeing his many more “firsts” bring me to tears already. Mahirap pala. =)

The reasons why I want to work is to help out hubby with our expenses, that's what I told him, but the truth is to be able to buy Johan the things that hubby won’t allow me to buy using our his money. Husbands are like that, right? Kurips talaga!

Haay, right now I’m still undecided if I should return to working or not. What I do is look for home-based job opportunities so I could earn a little extra but still be here for Johan everyday. Any leads on home based work, anyone?

How can you leave home a cutie like this?