Wednesday, December 28, 2011

In Case I Go First

On the evening of December 25th, the cousin of my husband died due to Cardiac Arrest. He was just 28 years old and he left behind a wife and their three boys aged: six, four and one. According to his wife, he was able to bid them goodbye by playing with the boys early in the evening and hugging and kissing her before going to bed. Now that her husband is gone, the wife said she does not know how to start without him, she does not know how she will make herself accept that he's already gone and that she will never marry again.

On our way home from the wake, I asked hubby, "What if I go first, will you marry again?". To which he got mad and told me these things are never discussed. You never plan things like that. I then told him of the not-so-recent discussion in my yahoo group, Newlyweds at Work. I told him the pros and cons of marrying after the death of the spouse and that it would be selfish of me to rob him of his own happiness in finding a lifelong companion after I'm gone, besides, I told him, I want Johan to grow up with a mother figure. But, hubby is adamant of not discussing the matter.

But, me being such a worrywart and a planner, I am making this post, just in case.

So, this post is for my family and friends who follow my blog. In case I go first, please make hubby read this because as far as I know he does not read my blog.

  • Mourn and move on. I know it won't be easy to accept when a loved one dies but it gets easier as the days pass. I know you will mourn my death but move on for yourself and for our son. Johan needs you. Be strong for both of you.
  • I know it sounds weird now that I'm still alive, but when I'm gone, don't hinder yourself from meeting other women. I hope (and I truly pray) that you find a good second-wife but more so a good second-mother to Johan. Find someone who will love Johan as her own even if you have your own kid/s.
  • Allow Johan to know my family. Make an effort to visit the Tan-Yboa side from time to time.
  • Work hard to give Johan the best education you can possibly give. We have discussed this numerous of times and I hope our plans don't die with me.
  • I told you again and again, spanking alone is not a good disciplining tool. Aid it with an explanation why it has to be done. Don't spank unless badly needed.
  • Do not allow Johan to eat chocolates and candies before he turns three. Chips and softdrinks are definitely not allowed until he's all grown up. Watch his diet, his teeth and his health.
  • Save a few moments of your time reading with Johan. I know you hate to read, but do it for him. It has been my goal to raise Johan be an active reader.
  • Lastly, please don't let Johan forget me. Allow Johan to grow up knowing me. Show him pictures of us, tell him stories of how much I loved him, how I took care of him, how I tried to be a good mom to him.

Sorry to write a not-so-happy post in a season that is supposed to be joyous. I am just affected with all that's been happening around me and I can't help but over think things (again).


Jhan said...

*sigh* Ang bigat naman sa dibdib ng last post mo sister...nalungkot din tuloy ako bigla.

But you are correct, most of us, always avoid such topic...and majority wont even plan or think of such on what to do If and if...

Nonetheless, you will have a long life with your husband and Johan and future kids. :-)

Happy New Year!

Shirley Mae Tabora said...

Hi Sis Jhan!

I'm so sorry for the sad post kaso affected lang talaga ko ng death nung cousin ni Hubby napaisip talaga ko kasi we really never know when our time is up.

Happy New Year!

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