So In Love

It's nearly two in the morning. Johan will be waking up in a few minutes for his feeding. I am just overwhelmed by our day to day routine that there are times that I just feel so down. Now, staring at my son sleep, it hit me. I love this little man to the core and I will do everything I can to protect him and nurture him. I am so in love with my son and I never realized I am capable of this huge amount of love until now.



Great Giveaway for Breastfeeding Moms

There is a great giveaway for nursing moms like me on the Chronicles of a Nursing Mom blog. Now that I am trying to wean my son from the mixed feeding he started out with and to try to fully breastfeed him, I have experienced cracked and sore nipples. Probably because his latch is incorrect or maybe just because my son demands more milk everyday and wants to feed almost every hour.

Fab Naima will be giving away the Motherlove Nipple Cream - A softening salve for sore, cracked nursing nipples that quickly heals skin and relieves discomfort. All ingredients are safe for ingestion, so it does not need to be washed off prior to nursing.
 

For more information on this giveaway, visit Chronicles of a Nursing Mom.

Thanks, Ma!

The old saying is true, "You won't know the value of your mom until you become a mom yourself."

My Mama has always been there for me - every hospital visit, every graduation ceremony, annual enrolment, she's even with me on some of my job applications right after graduation. She's that supportive and that's how much she loves me.

I never realized how much I truly value her until I gave birth to Johan. That's when I knew how much pain she went through when she gave birth to me and my five other siblings. The sleepless nights I am now having with Johan, the anxiety of raising a kid and the ups and downs of having a newborn was multiplied by six for her. Now, I can really say she's a super mom for going through all that compared to me who's always on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

When I was in labor on October 4, she again proved how a great mom she is to me. I sent her a text message at 3am telling her that I think my water bag broke. She was already awake and she told me she's on her way and that she'll meet me at the hospital. Unfortunately, she was not allowed inside the Delivery Room. She must have been a nervous wreck that entire 16 hours of my labor that she found a way how to enter the Labor Room without the nurses and the doctors noticing. She said she wanted to make sure I was okay. When she came in I just cried. It was such a relief when I saw her face and then she whispered to me, "Kaya mo yan, te. Lakasan mo lang ang loob mo and pray ka lang." She then slipped a rosary bracelet on my wrist and told me everything will be okay. And everything did turn out okay.

All throughout my pregnancy she traveled to and from Laguna to Manila just to visit me and to accompany me to the mall everytime I got bored. When we moved to Cavite right after we got discharged from the hospital, she was almost here everyday checking on me and Johan. She allowed me to rest the whole night and almost the entire day when Johan and I came to Laguna last Friday for a short vacation. Mama (and Papa) are the ones who get up at dawn to carry the crying Johan and to change his diaper. Mama was the one who put Johan to sleep lying on her chest. Even if she was too tired the whole day, she will always get up when Johan stirs in his sleep just so I could have that much needed rest.

Mama truly is exceptional and I love her more now that I have Johan.

We love you, Loli and we'll be back there in Pacita soon!

And He Smiled

Sometimes the sound of Johan's crying gets to me especially during days when I barely slept or when my CS stitch is aching. But, there are too many priceless moments that overshadow the not-so-good ones. Here's what tops it off.

And here are a few runners-up:



As what I usually whisper to him many times everyday, "I love you, Anak. God bless you, Anak".

Mama Cow

I've read many articles about breastfeeding, I've also talked to moms who are breastfeeding their babies and I knew that I want to do the same with my baby. With the many benefits that breast milk provides for the babies, I know that I am doing what is best for Johan.

After more than two weeks, I'm still doing mixed feeding. I don't think my milk is enough to last the entire day for Johan. I give him a bottle of formula only twice a day and the rest of his feeding is breastfed. His feeding schedule is every 3 hours with 3 ounces of milk. Hopefully, in the coming days I will be able to purely breastfeed Johan and eventually stop giving him formula.

The first day that I expressed milk I only saved barely 2 ounces, not even enough for one feeding. But, eventually my milk quantity increased and I was even able to express more than four ounces of milk in one pumping session. I'm doing manual pumping for now as advised by his pedia since according to her manual pumping will stimulate my breasts to produce more milk.

Yes, I'm a Mama Cow and proud to be one.

My first ever pumped breast milk - barely 2 ounces

Filled to the brim - more than four ounces of breast milk

On Being a Mom

A few posts back, I wrote about my anxieties on becoming a first time mom. I've had high and low points on my first two weeks as a new mom, I have been on an emotional rollercoaster ride everyday.

There are times that the sleepless nights and endless diaper changes gets to me making it harder for me to function the entire day. I do get frustrated when I can't stop my son from crying even after trying different positions of carrying him and he just stops when he was carried by a different person. It irritates me sometimes when another person beats me to my son whenever he is just starting to cry. I know they only meant to help but please allow me to become a mom to my son first. It panics me and sends me to tears whenever my son vomits and some of it comes out from his nose. I hate how I smell the whole day - a combination of baby's vomit, urine and my own breastmilk until I can have a decent bath at the end of the day only to smell the same again after only an hour.

But, I love it when my son smiles in his sleep making me want to come into his dream to know what he's smiling about. I love it that he already recognizes my voice and instinctively moves his head to where my voice was coming from. I love our bedtime routine of sponge bath, change of clothes and me singing to him some nursery rhymes - I could tell that his favorites are Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Rock-a-Bye Baby because he usually drifts off to sleep after I sang these two songs over and over. I love the sweet smell of my baby's breath, the way his fingers curl to hold one of mine, his cute little feet and soft chubby cheeks. I love how he coos back in return after I whisper, "I love you, Anak." as if to say, "I love you, too, Mommy."

I know there will be more things to come, expected or unexpected. I maybe ready, I maybe not. But, I'll take everything a little at a time, one new Mommy step at a time.

My Birthing Story

We have been waiting for our little one to arrive as early as September 13. My OB informed us that we should expect Johan Matthew to arrive from that date until October 4th. By our September 25 check up, I have been 1cm dilated already and that lasted for two more weeks until October 4.

October 4, 3:00 a.m.
I woke up feeling a little wet down there. I stayed in bed and observed myself first before I got up and went down to the bathroom to check. Confirmed, my water bag has broken but there's not a lot of water coming out, just a small amount of fluid enough to fill the liner that I was wearing.

October 4, 3:15 a.m.
I felt more than just a small gush of water came out so I went down  to the bathroom again to check and this time I saw small traces of pinkish fluid which I assumed as blood. I went back to the bedroom and went online deciding to wait for contractions to begin before I wake my sleeping husband and before I inform my OB.

October 4, 4:00 a.m.
I started preparing my bag and added things like cellphone chargers and PSP. I checked the documents and the admission order given by my OB and made sure that everything is in my bag. Contractions are now 5-7 minutes apart. I woke husband up and told him I think it is time.

October 4, 4:45 a.m.
I called my OB and told her we're on our way to the hospital. Contractions are 3-5 minutes apart.

October 4, 5:00 a.m.
We arrived at the hospital and I was immediately ushered to the Delivery Room to have myself assessed. The resident OB did an internal exam and it appeared that I was still 1cm dilated but my OB ordered them to admit me already since my water bag has already ruptured.

October 4, 6:00 a.m.
I was moved from the IE room to the Labor Room. When I arrived there was only one other pregnant mom in labor and upon talking to her I learned that we are both first time moms and she was expecting a girl and she has been there since the night before. I was hooked up to a fetal monitor to check the baby's heart beat and also to monitor how frequent my contractions are becoming.

October 4, 7:00 a.m.
Another IE was done and my cervix has not moved from the 1cm dilation. Contractions are still 3-5 minutes apart lasting 30 seconds each.

October 4, 10:00 a.m.
My OB finally arrived and checked me. After doing another IE, we learned that I only moved another 1 cm making me only 2cm dilated after 7 hours since my water bag broke.

October 4, 12:00 noon
My OB decided to give me some drug to induce labor and to hasten my dilation. The drug worked in inducing labor. The contractions and the pain doubled up since the drug was given to me and I was really squirming in bed from the pain. But, it did not help in dilating my cervix. The resident doctor then passed me a note from my mom and sister cheering me on that I can do it and just keep praying.

October 4, 3:00 p.m.
It has been 12 hours since my water bag broke. I was in so much pain but never did I scream out loud. I just bit into the towel that I was holding whenever a contraction is starting to drown out any scream that would come out. I was uring myself to stay strong for my baby and all this pain will be gone once Johan Matthew arrives. By this time, my OB decided to give me my epidural even if I was only 3 cm dilated after seeing how much pain I was in.

October 4, 6:00 p.m.
Another IE was done, sadly, I was only 4 cm dilated. After hours and hours of labor, my cervix just won't cooperate and open up to let my baby slide out. I was begging my OB by this time for another shot of epidural since the first one that was administered didn't really do it's job of easing me off the pain. I was even contemplating on having a CS Delivery instead because I was in so much pain. My mother found a way to let herself in the Labor Room. She was really worried about me since it's been 15 hours already and knowing how low my tolerance to pain is she is almost sure I was having a difficult time. When I saw her, all my restraints were lost. I cried and told her I can't do this anymore, that I am in so much pain and I cannot wait another 3 more hours not knowing if my cervix will fully dilate by then. I'm sure she talked to my OB when she went out and told her to do a CS delivery instead.

October 4, 7:00 p.m.
I was wheeled in from the Labor Room to the Operating Room. My OB decided it is best to do a CS Delivery and I was made to sign a form. I was prepped up, anesthesia was injected in my spine, I was hooked up to an IV, a heart monitor and a curtain was put up just below my head to cover the operation that they will be doing. Once the anesthesia took effect, the chills began. I really thought I was dying because I was chilling pretty bad, I cannot open my mouth to talk, I had difficulty in breathing and I vomitted twice.

October 4, 7:27 p.m.
My OB announced, "Baby Out" and I finally heard my baby's first cry. I tried hard to move my head so I could take a peek but I could not see my baby. I think they moved him to another room to clean him because his cries sounded far by then. Later on, my OB told me she showed me Johan Matthew after he was cleansed but I don't have any memory of our first encounter. All I remember was his first cry and for me that was the sweetest thing I heard after being in labor for more than 16 hours.

It was never an easy labor for me, very far from what I thought I would be experiencing but I was glad I went through all the pain before delivering via Caesarian Section. The pain and the tears were all made worth it by our little Johan Matthew. Was I traumatized by it? Honestly, yes, I was scared to death when they moved me to the operating room table. Would I do it again for a second baby? Probably not, but ask me again after 4 years when I have enjoyed our Johan's company enough until he's ready for school.

Giving birth is never an easy thing but every ache and pain is worth it when you see your little one. For me, everything is definitely worth it. Everything for our little one will be worth it. :)

Alive, Kicking and Adjusting

I am still alive - although for more than 16 hours last Monday, October 4, I really felt like I was dying.
I am kicking - just a few short kicks now that I can move a little bit easier.
I am adjusting - to the huge shift from my role as merely a housewife to a new mom.

Yes, you read that right! After weeks of frustration of waiting for little Johan Matthew to arrive. The moment finally came last October 4, 2010 at 7:27 pm. Our literally little big man arrived via CSD weighing 7 lbs and 11 ounces with length of 51 centimeters.

I'll be leaving you with that for now and a little photo of our little angel as I am still recovering from the operation and is still adjusting to the many sleepless nights and endless diaper changes. Look out for more mommy kwentos in the following days.