Friday, August 8, 2014

Thoughts on a Baby Girl

I'm on the 27th week with our second baby and it's been anything but a walk in the park. Being on bedrest almost since the beginning is something that I did not expect. I even sent a message to my doctor when she first advised me to stay in bed, "Bedrest, meaning?". I guess I was in denial that I will be tied to the bed the entire pregnancy.

On my 23rd week, we found out that we're having another baby boy. I prepped myself for weeks. I wanted a baby girl but I told myself that it's okay if we will be given another boy. But when we were told of the gender, I had to ask again in disbelief, "What? It's a boy?".

Am I disappointed? Maybe just a bit. I just thought how nice it is to dress up a baby girl and how much cheaper their clothes and shoes are compared to boys'. But, when I am reminded of how sweet Johan is to me, how he constantly hugs me and kisses me and tells me I'm his bestfriend, there is no doubt that I welcome this new baby boy with all my heart.

I've been told by family and friends to try again to have a baby girl after I give birth. But after going through this difficult, complicated and nerve-wracking pregnancy, I don't think I would be physically and emotionally prepared to go through it again. The risks are high that I don't think it's worth giving it another try.

But then there are times when I wonder, "Will I regret not having a baby girl? Am I being selfish for not allowing my husband experience the joys of having a daddy's little girl?".

For now, the answer is no. I am decided that this will be my last pregnancy. I don't want to go through everything all over again. There are factors to consider - my age, my health, our financial capacity, who will take care of the kids when I return to working, what if we tried and it turns out to be another boy instead of a girl, do we keep trying?

I guess we will have to wait and see but as of now I only want to reach full term, deliver a healthy baby boy and prepare myself for more mess, more trucks and balls and cars, more ninja moves, more power rangers dialogue and more hugs, kisses and I love yous from another little man.

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