After I gave birth to Johan, I've been very vocal about not wanting to have another child. Or at least not anytime soon. When Johan turned three, that's when people started telling me it's about time we give him a sibling. The age gap between them would be perfect. But I was apprehensive - we're still paying for the car, Johan will be starting soon, we have plans on building our own home after paying for the car and so on and so forth.
I know my reasons are practical, it just didn't look like the right time yet, financially, for another addition to our family. Yet, I stopped the pill, I prayed for another child and hoped for two pink lines back in January when my period was delayed.
When the test appeared negative, I gave the go signal to the husband to finally start the renovation to the house. We need to make our room bigger as the three of us could hardly fit inside, we wanted a dirty kitchen built outside to make our living room and dining area spacier to make it easy going around, we planned to purchase a bigger bed because our double-sized mattress could hardly fit all three of us. So, the renovation started. And then we found out, two weeks ago that we are pregnant.
And all of my fears made a reappearance. We have more money going out because of the renovation, the dirty kitchen isn't finished yet, we haven't painted the room, we haven't bought a bed, Johan will be starting school, we are set to get a new auto insurance in June in addition to the monthly car mortgage, we recently hired a Yaya and I am going to deliver via Caesarian Section again according to my OB. And now, I am on bedrest again for threatened abortion.
Financially, I know this will be a hard year for our family. I'm not sure if we'd be able to save enough for my delivery come November and I'm not sure if we'd be able to finish the renovations as planned. But I know that everything will turn out alright. We can always apply for a loan or something if in case we didn't have enough saved for my delivery, maybe we'll hold off buying a bed for now and just settle with the one that we have. Everything will work out fine. Repeat 10x. :)
On the good side, Johan and the rest of our families are pretty excited with Baby Number 2. Johan wants a baby girl, I want a baby girl, too but if the baby turns out to be a boy, I will not be disappointed. I just want a healthy, normal baby. Plus, I'm looking forward to the baby shower that my sisters and my bestfriend have been talking about. I repeat, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT kaya Lhai, RK and Mhy, ipush natin yan! Hahahaha!
Now, that I am on bedrest for a week, I decided to think of the positive than the negative implications it will bring. I know that by the end of this week, I'd probably have only three sick leaves left but then I have a week to really take care of myself and Baby Number Two, I have a week more to spend with Johan, I can oversee the rest of the renovations being done and I can surf the net for baby stuff, pin more baptism ideas and search for possible baby names.
I know that I will always worry about the future. I've always been like that. I want things to work out quite the way I envisioned them to but I also know that sometimes, things don't happen the way we think they should and I have to accept that.
I just need to concentrate on the things that truly matter, be thankful for the people that are always there to support us and praise the God who I know will never ever abandon me.
Prayers please for a healthy pregnancy.