Our Second Little Miracle - Jeron Miguel

I have been very vocal about this being a difficult pregnancy. It has been an almost nine months of bedrest for me, numerous preterm contractions and subchorionic hemorrhage. I took all of those quite easily - when my doctor advised me to be on bedrest during the second trimester and told me that it would last until I give birth, I was pretty much okay with it. Anything for the baby.

Then come August 30, a routine ultrasound showed that my amniotic fluid is high and my doctor diagnosed it to be Polyhydroamnios. I was asked to do a Fasting Blood Sugar test to determine if my glucose level is high causing the amniotic fluid to be excessive. The test yielded a negative result. My glucose is within the normal limits. 

On September 13, we came back to the hospital and did another ultrasound. That was the day that I literally broke down in front of my doctor, my firstborn and my husband. The ultrasound result showed that the baby had a minimal edema on both the head and the abdomen. I was very scared for the baby and the first thing that entered my mind was my baby might have Hydrocephalus. I cried at my doctor's clinic, I cried when I saw my cousin, I cried in the car while talking to my sister on the phone, I cried when we arrived home. It was a very scary thought and I cannot accept it.

I only told a few relatives and few trusted friends about the result. I posted prayers and motivational quotes on Instagram and Facebook without explaining fully what we were going through at the time. My husband and I rarely talked about it at home, I guess we were both scared. I asked prayers from friends and family, my husband gave up smoking as his own sacrifice for the baby's health.

I was scheduled to undergo a Congenital Anomaly Scan to really determine the condition of the baby. On the day of the scan, the Perinatologist decided to do a Biophysical Profile Score instead as it was already far along in my pregnancy and the Congenital Anomaly Scan won't be as beneficial as when it is done at 20 weeks.

The first thing that the Perinatologist told us was that the edema on both the head and abdomen was less pronounced. We all breathed a sigh of relief after hearing that but the next question that my doctor asked me almost gave me a nervous breakdown, "Do you have a history of Down Syndrome?". The ultrasound showed the baby having a thickened tissue around the nape area and according to the doctors this is one of the symptoms of Down Syndrome.

I was once again scared for the baby. I started reading through forums about Down Syndrome and searched for support groups when I realized that I am already acting as if my baby has Down Syndrome when it was not diagnosed yet. I changed my way of thinking, I tried to keep a positive attitude, claiming that my son will not have Down Syndrome and that he will be born in the best of health. I prayed a lot. Family and friends prayed with me.

I was asked to return for another ultrasound to check if the thickened tissue on the nape of the baby worsened or lessened. The Perinatologist didn't see the same thickness on the nape area, my son's face looked normal on the ultrasound, the edema on the head and abdomen looked like just fat. But still, she could not rule out Down Syndrome until the baby is born. So she advised us to stop researching, stop stressing out, keep praying and just wait until the birth of the baby. And that's what we all did.

On October 18, the supposed final check up before I give birth via scheduled CS on the 24th, I was hooked up to a machine to monitor possible contractions. It turned out that I was already having contractions and they are pretty close. My doctor then decided that I will be delivering our second child that day. I asked if my husband can go inside the operating room with me, I was thinking what if the baby has Down Syndrome, I don't know how I will react. I need somebody there for support. Unfortunately, family is still not allowed inside the operating room. So it was just me, my doctor, an array of other medical practitioners and my prayers who went inside the operating room.

Little did I know that my family already arrived at the delivery room's waiting area, all ready to offer their support should we face our fears regarding the baby's condition. They are all there ready to welcome our second son.

At 12:50 in the afternoon of October 18, I delivered our second son, Jeron Miguel. All of our prayers were answered! He did not have any congenital condition, his head and his abdomen are both okay, he is a healthy young boy! 

Thank you to the doctors and nurses of the Metropolitan Medical Center for the superb job of taking care of me and Jeron during our stay, our deepest gratitude to my OB-Gyne, Dra. Eva Macababbad for being the dedicated and great doctor that she is but most especially for being a friend during the times that we were all worried about Jeron's condition and finally, thank you to everyone who prayed for our family to be strong, to keep the faith and to keep on believing. Prayers do move mountains and truly there is nothing impossible with God.

Thoughts on a Baby Girl

I'm on the 27th week with our second baby and it's been anything but a walk in the park. Being on bedrest almost since the beginning is something that I did not expect. I even sent a message to my doctor when she first advised me to stay in bed, "Bedrest, meaning?". I guess I was in denial that I will be tied to the bed the entire pregnancy.

On my 23rd week, we found out that we're having another baby boy. I prepped myself for weeks. I wanted a baby girl but I told myself that it's okay if we will be given another boy. But when we were told of the gender, I had to ask again in disbelief, "What? It's a boy?".

Am I disappointed? Maybe just a bit. I just thought how nice it is to dress up a baby girl and how much cheaper their clothes and shoes are compared to boys'. But, when I am reminded of how sweet Johan is to me, how he constantly hugs me and kisses me and tells me I'm his bestfriend, there is no doubt that I welcome this new baby boy with all my heart.

I've been told by family and friends to try again to have a baby girl after I give birth. But after going through this difficult, complicated and nerve-wracking pregnancy, I don't think I would be physically and emotionally prepared to go through it again. The risks are high that I don't think it's worth giving it another try.

But then there are times when I wonder, "Will I regret not having a baby girl? Am I being selfish for not allowing my husband experience the joys of having a daddy's little girl?".

For now, the answer is no. I am decided that this will be my last pregnancy. I don't want to go through everything all over again. There are factors to consider - my age, my health, our financial capacity, who will take care of the kids when I return to working, what if we tried and it turns out to be another boy instead of a girl, do we keep trying?

I guess we will have to wait and see but as of now I only want to reach full term, deliver a healthy baby boy and prepare myself for more mess, more trucks and balls and cars, more ninja moves, more power rangers dialogue and more hugs, kisses and I love yous from another little man.

Life is A Rollercoaster

I am on bedrest again.

I've been having abdominal cramps on Wednesday last week which I didn't really take as anything serious.I thought that it's just the baby moving and my tummy must be expanding already so I went to work and dealt with the pain that entire day. Wrong decision. Come Thursday morning, the pain didn't really go away so I decided to go to my doctor already to have myself and the baby checked.

I was having contractions, again! This is my second child and I find it pretty stupid that I can't distinguish a mere abdominal pain from an actual contraction! My doctor advised me to take one to two weeks of complete bedrest which I didn't take happily. My leave credits at work are all gone, I finished all of those during the three week bedrest that I already took during my first trimester so that would mean that this new bedrest schedule will all be without pay. Haaayyyy, just when we really need to save up.

I cried in the car on the way home from the hospital, I cried during that night and I found myself crying during the day. I know this isn't good for me or the baby but I just had to let all the stress out of my system. I'm such a worrywart when it comes to financial matters even if I know that our savings has not entirely ran out. It's just that we are still paying for the car, Johan will be starting school, we have bills to pay, we have to save up for the caesarian delivery which my SSS maternity benefit cannot cover 100 % and we still haven't bought anything for the baby. Add to that the fact that my nails are ugly, my hair is ugly and I've been wearing the same clothes at work week after week.Okay, I'm blabbering nonsense already but that's how it is.

This pregnancy is really harder compared to when I had Johan. I told my husband it must be because when I was pregnant with Johan, I was not working and I don't have a toddler who demands my attention every minute. Don't get me wrong, I do love staying home with Johan as we get to play, bond and practice writing, but there are times when I really just want to lie down, put my feet up and rest. Having a toddler prevents me from doing that, well, except when he's sleeping.

I only want to have a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby. If it would mean I need to be on bedrest until time for delivery, then so be it. I'll just have to make the best of everything from I am given now, like time that I didn't have when I was going work. So, all the time that I have is now devoted to teaching Johan to write, to play pretend everyday, stalk people on Facebook and Instagram, watch Disney Channel endlessly and browse Pinterest.

Life is indeed a rollercoaster. I've done my share of screaming, I guess it's time that I try to enjoy the ride.

Struggling to remain positive,

The Anticipation, the Fears and the Joys of Having Another Baby

After I gave birth to Johan, I've been very vocal about not wanting to have another child. Or at least not anytime soon. When Johan turned three, that's when people started telling me it's about time we give him a sibling. The age gap between them would be perfect. But I was apprehensive - we're still paying for the car, Johan will be starting soon, we have plans on building our own home after paying for the car and so on and so forth.

I know my reasons are practical, it just didn't look like the right time yet, financially, for another addition to our family. Yet, I stopped the pill, I prayed for another child and hoped for two pink lines back in January when my period was delayed.

When the test appeared negative, I gave the go signal to the husband to finally start the renovation to the house. We need to make our room bigger as the three of us could hardly fit inside, we wanted a dirty kitchen built outside to make our living room and dining area spacier to make it easy going around, we planned to purchase a bigger bed because our double-sized mattress could hardly fit all three of us. So, the renovation started. And then we found out, two weeks ago that we are pregnant.

And all of my fears made a reappearance. We have more money going out because of the renovation, the dirty kitchen isn't finished yet, we haven't painted the room, we haven't bought a bed, Johan will be starting school, we are set to get a new auto insurance in June in addition to the monthly car mortgage, we recently hired a Yaya and I am going to deliver via Caesarian Section again according to my OB. And now, I am on bedrest again for threatened abortion.

Financially, I know this will be a hard year for our family. I'm not sure if we'd be able to save enough for my delivery come November and I'm not sure if we'd be able to finish the renovations as planned. But I know that everything will turn out alright. We can always apply for a loan or something if in case we didn't have enough saved for my delivery, maybe we'll hold off buying a bed for now and just settle with the one that we have. Everything will work out fine. Repeat 10x. :)

On the good side, Johan and the rest of our families are pretty excited with Baby Number 2. Johan wants a baby girl, I want a baby girl, too but if the baby turns out to be a boy, I will not be disappointed. I just want a healthy, normal baby. Plus, I'm looking forward to the baby shower that my sisters and my bestfriend have been talking about. I repeat, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT kaya Lhai, RK and Mhy, ipush natin yan! Hahahaha!

Now, that I am on bedrest for a week, I decided to think of the positive than the negative implications it will bring. I know that by the end of this week, I'd probably have only three sick leaves left but then I have a week to really take care of myself and Baby Number Two, I have a week more to spend with Johan, I can oversee the rest of the renovations being done and I can surf the net for baby stuff, pin more baptism ideas and search for possible baby names.

I know that I will always worry about the future. I've always been like that. I want things to work out quite the way I envisioned them to but I also know that sometimes, things don't happen the way we think they should and I have to accept that.

I just need to concentrate on the things that truly matter, be thankful for the people that are always there to support us and praise the God who I know will never ever abandon me.

Prayers please for a healthy pregnancy.

The More, The Merrier

I haven't posted for quite a while as I really have been busy with work and at home the last couple of months or so plus I am more active on Instagram nowadays.

Anyway, remember the post, That One Last Pill, from August of 2013? It's been six months since that post when I realized my period was delayed. I waited for my period to arrive until two weeks later and it was still a no-show. That's the time when I decided to finally get two home pregnancy kits and give it a go.

I guess we really can't deny those very pink lines that appeared

When the first test came out positive on a Friday, I filed a leave from work and immediately went to see an OB-GYN in a hospital near our house. I was disappointed with the consultation because I was expecting that the doctor will request for an ultrasound, do an IE or at least feel my tummy. But she did not do any of it, simply asked questions and insisted that I undergo another CS just because I delivered my firstborn via CS.

That's when I decided I don't want another OB-GYN to aid me in this pregnancy except for Dr. Eva Macababbad who was my doctor when I was pregnant with Johan. Coincidentally, hubby was also thinking the same thing. So, we scheduled a consultation with our trusted doctor a week after I took the HPT.

Dra. Eva holds clinic at the Metropolitan Medical Center in Manila and with Johan, it wasn't that hard to go to and from the hospital as it was only a trike ride away from where we used to live. Now that we are settled in Dasmarinas, Cavite, the travel to Manila is something that me and the hubby are not looking forward to. But that is only a small bump in the road, so to speak, because we both know that me and the baby will be in great, great hands of the one OB-GYN that we truly trust.

Saturday, March 8, we were welcomed by the usual bubbly and warm Dra. Eva into her clinic. I was just happy to see her and we immediately felt at ease. She requested for an ultrasound as expected and it is official, we are indeed pregnant!

The sonographer announced, there is a tiny baby!

There is just one thing that Dra. Eva is concerned about, the baby's heartbeat is still weak so she prescribed Progesterone to support my gestation, the usual prenatal vitamins and advised me to return for a repeat ultrasound in two weeks. That will happen this Saturday, March 22 so more prayers please for a stronger heartbeat for our little one.

Anyway, Johan is pretty much an excited kuya. He kept on asking me and his Dad, if we want either a baby boy or a baby girl. He expects us to say baby girl each time and gets mad at his Dad when he answers baby boy. I guess he is already set to have a little sister. Let's hope, anak. :)

That One Last Pill

Before Johan, I didn't even want to have kids. Not because I didn't like kids but because I am deathly afraid of needles and hospitals. I thought to myself, how could I even raise one when I can't even shake off my fear of that minuscule flu vaccine needle. But now I have Johan - not because I got over that fear of needles but the fear of my body clock ticking away my chance of becoming a mother proved far scarier for me.

Giving birth to Johan after a very long, difficult labor, was well worth it. Facing my fear of the hospital, of the many blood samples taken and tested and eventually that painful epidural prick at my spine - everything was worth it when I finally saw my son. I embraced motherhood with my whole heart and soul and I am loving it up to this day.

Three years into motherhood and I have learned to be strict yet lenient, strong yet fearful and most of all, I learned to live in the moment. I try to enjoy every minute I get to spend with Johan - to do what he wants to do, make a mess, paint, color the walls, draw circles, dance, sing, march, salute - because I know that soon my little man won't be so little anymore. What used to be my little chubby baby is now an active, taller toddler who refuses to be called "baby" because according to him he is now a "big boy". Aww.. How time flies..

He'll turn three in October and will start school next June. I will be thirty-four by then. Thirty-four: the number that my husband blurted out last weekend that started all this thinking and worrying.

"Thirty four ka na next year. Baka mahirapan ka na magbuntis kapag pinatagal mo pa."

Those are his words or close to what he actually said. I was taken by surprise. Yes, we talked about having another baby but with the car loan and the plans of home renovation right after we're done paying for the car made me think that giving Johan a sibling would be far from the present. Very far, like three years from now at the very least. It definitely did not cross my mind that it'll be next year or just a few months away since I'll be 34 in January.

I am panicking. Seriously. Eventhough we discussed having another child, I was unsure if I truly want another child. It feels like I've given Johan all the love that I can give and all the attention that I can provide. I worry that I might not love the new baby like I love Johan or that I won't be as doting to Johan as I used to since I have a new baby to take care of. I'm scared that Johan might grow some resentment towards the baby because I may spend more time with the little one than with him. I'm afraid that we'll suffer financially because of the additional expenses that a new baby brings into the home plus Johan's starting school next year and we all know how expensive kindergarten can become these days. With that thought, whatever would happen to us when they enter college?

Yeah, yeah, my son's not even started school and I am now thinking about college. I am a worrywart. That's just how I am.

My husband consoled me telling me that mothering a second child would come naturally for me. My heart would expand to accommodate the new baby and Johan would eventually understand that a new baby does not mean we love him less but instead he'll know that we love him that much to give him a sibling so he'll still have "family" with him if in case hubby and I are no longer here. As for the financial part, well, we just have to work even harder.

I am not going to deny that I am still scared. My fears are humongous and I am having a hard time pushing them away. But on the other hand, I decided that it is best to face my fears head on. So, I am giving in and I am giving up.

I am giving in to the husband and giving up the pill.

We'll see what happens next. :)

P.S. Does anyone know how to make a baby girl?

My Birthing Story

We have been waiting for our little one to arrive as early as September 13. My OB informed us that we should expect Johan Matthew to arrive from that date until October 4th. By our September 25 check up, I have been 1cm dilated already and that lasted for two more weeks until October 4.

October 4, 3:00 a.m.
I woke up feeling a little wet down there. I stayed in bed and observed myself first before I got up and went down to the bathroom to check. Confirmed, my water bag has broken but there's not a lot of water coming out, just a small amount of fluid enough to fill the liner that I was wearing.

October 4, 3:15 a.m.
I felt more than just a small gush of water came out so I went down  to the bathroom again to check and this time I saw small traces of pinkish fluid which I assumed as blood. I went back to the bedroom and went online deciding to wait for contractions to begin before I wake my sleeping husband and before I inform my OB.

October 4, 4:00 a.m.
I started preparing my bag and added things like cellphone chargers and PSP. I checked the documents and the admission order given by my OB and made sure that everything is in my bag. Contractions are now 5-7 minutes apart. I woke husband up and told him I think it is time.

October 4, 4:45 a.m.
I called my OB and told her we're on our way to the hospital. Contractions are 3-5 minutes apart.

October 4, 5:00 a.m.
We arrived at the hospital and I was immediately ushered to the Delivery Room to have myself assessed. The resident OB did an internal exam and it appeared that I was still 1cm dilated but my OB ordered them to admit me already since my water bag has already ruptured.

October 4, 6:00 a.m.
I was moved from the IE room to the Labor Room. When I arrived there was only one other pregnant mom in labor and upon talking to her I learned that we are both first time moms and she was expecting a girl and she has been there since the night before. I was hooked up to a fetal monitor to check the baby's heart beat and also to monitor how frequent my contractions are becoming.

October 4, 7:00 a.m.
Another IE was done and my cervix has not moved from the 1cm dilation. Contractions are still 3-5 minutes apart lasting 30 seconds each.

October 4, 10:00 a.m.
My OB finally arrived and checked me. After doing another IE, we learned that I only moved another 1 cm making me only 2cm dilated after 7 hours since my water bag broke.

October 4, 12:00 noon
My OB decided to give me some drug to induce labor and to hasten my dilation. The drug worked in inducing labor. The contractions and the pain doubled up since the drug was given to me and I was really squirming in bed from the pain. But, it did not help in dilating my cervix. The resident doctor then passed me a note from my mom and sister cheering me on that I can do it and just keep praying.

October 4, 3:00 p.m.
It has been 12 hours since my water bag broke. I was in so much pain but never did I scream out loud. I just bit into the towel that I was holding whenever a contraction is starting to drown out any scream that would come out. I was uring myself to stay strong for my baby and all this pain will be gone once Johan Matthew arrives. By this time, my OB decided to give me my epidural even if I was only 3 cm dilated after seeing how much pain I was in.

October 4, 6:00 p.m.
Another IE was done, sadly, I was only 4 cm dilated. After hours and hours of labor, my cervix just won't cooperate and open up to let my baby slide out. I was begging my OB by this time for another shot of epidural since the first one that was administered didn't really do it's job of easing me off the pain. I was even contemplating on having a CS Delivery instead because I was in so much pain. My mother found a way to let herself in the Labor Room. She was really worried about me since it's been 15 hours already and knowing how low my tolerance to pain is she is almost sure I was having a difficult time. When I saw her, all my restraints were lost. I cried and told her I can't do this anymore, that I am in so much pain and I cannot wait another 3 more hours not knowing if my cervix will fully dilate by then. I'm sure she talked to my OB when she went out and told her to do a CS delivery instead.

October 4, 7:00 p.m.
I was wheeled in from the Labor Room to the Operating Room. My OB decided it is best to do a CS Delivery and I was made to sign a form. I was prepped up, anesthesia was injected in my spine, I was hooked up to an IV, a heart monitor and a curtain was put up just below my head to cover the operation that they will be doing. Once the anesthesia took effect, the chills began. I really thought I was dying because I was chilling pretty bad, I cannot open my mouth to talk, I had difficulty in breathing and I vomitted twice.

October 4, 7:27 p.m.
My OB announced, "Baby Out" and I finally heard my baby's first cry. I tried hard to move my head so I could take a peek but I could not see my baby. I think they moved him to another room to clean him because his cries sounded far by then. Later on, my OB told me she showed me Johan Matthew after he was cleansed but I don't have any memory of our first encounter. All I remember was his first cry and for me that was the sweetest thing I heard after being in labor for more than 16 hours.

It was never an easy labor for me, very far from what I thought I would be experiencing but I was glad I went through all the pain before delivering via Caesarian Section. The pain and the tears were all made worth it by our little Johan Matthew. Was I traumatized by it? Honestly, yes, I was scared to death when they moved me to the operating room table. Would I do it again for a second baby? Probably not, but ask me again after 4 years when I have enjoyed our Johan's company enough until he's ready for school.

Giving birth is never an easy thing but every ache and pain is worth it when you see your little one. For me, everything is definitely worth it. Everything for our little one will be worth it. :)

Guess the Body Part

Our little Johan is moving less these past few days. Probably because there’s not much space inside my tummy to move around. But, just the other night as I was preparing to sleep I felt my tummy bunch up in the middle and it became really pointy. Then something long and thin reflected on the left side of my tummy. My husband came to the bed and we inspected it. We exchanged guesses me guessing that it was probably Johan’s arm but hubby said it could be his leg. Well, whatever it is, it sure made us both excited and more anxious to meet this little man. I’ll be 40 weeks tomorrow according to Babystrology on my side bar and we are hoping that Johan comes out soon so I won’t have to be induced by my OB next week.

So excited!!

Photo above courtesy of Corrine’s Blog.

Where is home?

A friend texted me last week when I told her of my lab tests and she replied back with: “I pray that you will have a safe delivery and when Johan is born, that you and he will be able to leave the hospital together and make your way home.”

But, where exactly is home?

I know I’ve been very vocal about wanting our own place. But, that longing has doubled up now that I’ll be giving birth anytime soon. Hubby and I had a long talk about this a few months ago and it has been decided that we will move to their house in Cavite after I give birth. Then, recent issues had me stressed out and I told him I do not want to move there anymore instead I want us to find a place to rent. I’ve been crying over it for days (blame it partly on the hormones for this huge outburst of emotion and really my reasons are quite reasonable). I just don’t want to discuss it further here.

So, we had another long, serious talk about it. We weighed the pros and cons and he told me to just try it out first in Cavite. If it doesn’t work out and if my reasons proved to be true then we’ll be moving out. If I don’t love my husband enough I would have stood my ground and firmly tell him no. But, I do and I know he’s already stressed out (surely more than I am) so I gave in. Temporarily. At least.

False Alarm (again?)

Right now, I’m feeling very mild contractions, I guess. It’s pretty hard to be a first-time expectant mom as I really don’t have any idea if what I’m feeling are really contractions or if these may be something that has been brought about by me trying to feel everything. OA lang, in short.

I’m just bothered by some spotting but I’m still observing myself and decided to wait a little bit more before I call my OB. It’s just a little spotting anyway and from what I read it’s a sign of false labor unless there’s blood or if my water bag broke. According to What to Expect When You’re Expecting, it is just the way my body prepares for true labor.


I sure hope my body’s preparing already. I will be seeing my mom tomorrow and we plan to do some serious walking at the mall and hopefully by Saturday, true labor comes full blast. I’ll be 39 weeks by tomorrow so it’s not so bad to give birth over the weekend.

I’ll keep you posted.

Impatience is Getting to Me

I’m already on my 38th week and really I am just praying that I give birth this coming weekend. I don’t know if it’s normal to feel cranky and weepy at this stage of my pregnancy but lately I’ve been feeling really sad and disappointed for not giving birth last weekend after I felt that I was having labor pains early Friday morning until the morning of Saturday. When we came in for our weekly check up and my OB did an internal exam it showed that my cervix is still closed.


I was really disappointed and by Sunday afternoon, I felt the bouts of depression(?) kicking in. I was feeling overly tired these last few days. Moving around has been doubly difficult, the pain in my lower back has multiplied, my GERD (reflux) came back and this makes it very hard to sleep as the acid from my stomach moves up to my esophagus and I recently developed a cold which I felt would lead to cough as my throat is mildly hurting now. I am feeling down and I just want this pregnancy to be over.

I don’t know if I’m even allowed to have this feeling but it sent me to tears on Sunday night when Johan moved inside my tummy. It’s as if he can feel that I’m tired of carrying him around all the time. I’m not tired of carrying him, I’m just tired. Generally tired.

What’s Next?

Now that my pregnancy is coming to a close, what with more or less 2 weeks before Labor Day, I can’t stop myself from wondering what comes next. I know that this pregnancy has never been a “walk in the park” but still I think it is fairly easy compared to motherhood – I only have to follow my doctor’s orders, take my prenatal vitamins and asthma maintenance medications, take the much required bed rest, stop working. But, when it comes to motherhood, saying that I’m scared is an understatement.

I’m worried that I won’t have the patience to take care of my son, especially during the night when I would be already so tired to comfort him or feed him. I’m worried that I won’t have enough milk for him – I seriously want to exclusively breastfeed Johan after reading up on all the pros of bfeeding. I’m worried that I won’t be able to provide him with everything he will be needing. I’m worried that I’d be the first to break down should my son get sick and I won’t be able to assist him to the hospital – I’m pretty sure I’ll be the first to cry if ever he’ll need to be pricked by needles. Most of all, I’m worried that I won’t be a good enough mother to him.

I know that I sometimes go overboard with worrying. Hubby does remind me numerous times that not everything in this world will go according to plan. But, this is just how I am. I worry even at the most mundane of things and I only want the best for those around me.


Nevertheless, I also know that I have a great support group to back me up should the “lowliest of motherhood times” come knocking at my door. There’s always my husband who will remind me that I am doing a great job at being a mother no matter what, my mom who will send me messages of support and advice, my also-mom-cousins who will share with me their own experiences as mothers, my aunts who will keep telling me that there’s nothing impossible with prayers and there’s also my e-group NewlyWedsatWork to answer my questions or even just to share how I am having a bad day.

Pregnancy Update – 37 weeks and 4 days

• Mild contractions (Braxton Hicks) are getting frequent. Usually, they happen very early in the morning around 4am.
• I am super, super tired all the time and I think I am at my ugliest at this entire pregnancy.
• My blood pressure has returned to my norm of 100/70.
• I only gained one pound since my last check up two weeks ago, I’m now 137 lbs.
• Our check up will be weekly now.
• Johan’s approximate weight is now 6.8 lbs (I don’t know if it’s just me or is it really huge for a baby still inside the tummy?)
• I was asked by my OB to do some tests last Saturday – urinalysis, CBC, activated PTT and Prothombin time – which yielded questionable results.
• I was asked to return to the hospital yesterday, Monday, for more tests and to discuss the results of last Saturday’s lab tests. They found bacteria in my urine so I gave another sample to be cultured. As for the blood tests, they found that the percentage of my blood clotting is below normal. The normal is 75%, mine is only 54%. That means, there is a chance that I might lose blood when I give birth. My OB asked that I do two more blood tests, blood clotting time and bleeding time. All the results will be discussed on our next check up on Saturday.
• I was already given admission orders by my OB.
• I’ve been having dreams about Johan lately. I can see his face clearly, he’s “maputi” and he’s chinito like his mom but he got the thick hair and the long lashes of his dad.
• I can’t wait to see our little one soon. I am kinda praying I give birth this coming Saturday, September 18. That way, all my family members and relatives can visit us at the hospital because it’s a weekend.

37 Weeks and a Day

My baby officially is full termed – as what I’ve read about in pregnancy articles and books. 37 weeks is considered full term. I know I haven’t been posting as often as I used to. This must be due to the feeling of overly tired everyday and I wake up late every morning so breakfast and lunch are usually taken as one. But, today it’s different.

It’s only 5 in the morning and I’m already up and about. I woke up around 4:30 with a sharp pain at my back. I didn’t know if it was labor pains already so I got up and waited for contractions to begin. There were mild contractions but not nearly as frequent as those of true labor pains – again from what I’ve heard or read.

So, I just went downstairs and prepared myself some breakfast of fried rice, eggs and longganisa. The pain on my lower back is still there although not as sharp as earlier. I can still feel some contractions – these may just be Braxton Hicks but we’ll know later when we come in for our check up.

Well, my water bag didn’t break yet so this may just be a false alarm.

Pregnancy Update – 35 Weeks

From Babycenter.com:
“Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.”

• I now weigh 136 lbs. I gained 3 lbs since my last check up and my OB said that’s not bad at all. 
• My blood pressure dropped a little at 90/60.
• I’ve been feeling some pressure down there from time to time that makes me think I might be giving birth sooner than expected.
• I’m always, always tired and all I ever want to do is sleep.
• Speaking of sleep, there are nights that sleep eludes me because I’m worrying too much about giving birth.
• Johan’s things are almost complete, we only have to buy him some crib beddings.
• Our hospital bags are packed.
• My OB told us to expect Johan to arrive from September 13 to October 4.

Just a Few More Days

My OB-Gyne told me that I should expect to give birth anytime as soon as I reach my 37th week. Given that this week I’ll be on my 35th already, that gives me two more weeks to prepare myself for “Labor Day”. I’ve been frequently asked by friends if I would deliver via Normal or Caesarian Section. My prompt answer would always be, “it depends”. I would try my hardest to deliver Johan via Normal Delivery but if the circumstances won’t allow it then I would be more than willing to go CS. Another frequent question is would I do painless or not. Knowing that I have very low tolerance to pain and even the simple flu vaccine terrifies me to tears, I think the answer is quite obvious. Yes, I would do painless only if I could not bear the pain anymore. Tomorrow will be my check up and from then on we will be doing it every two weeks to monitor my progress. Time’s going too fast now and before we know it, Johan Matthew will be here at last.

Some Maternity Shoot Photos

Date: August 12, 2010
Location: Mall of Asia
Photographer: Rk Yboa
   
  

Almost But Not Quite Enough

Manila Bay at around 4 in the afternoon. The sun’s shining but not enough for a photo shoot.

Today’s plans for my maternity photo shoot did push through. But we started out much later than we thought we would. We planned to start at around 8 in the morning just as the sun has already shone but hopefully not that humid enough. What we weren’t expecting were the heavy rains that poured this morning which lasted until way beyond lunch time. This didn’t give us much options as we were really looking forward to an outdoor shoot. Luckily enough we found one nice little cafe inside the Mall of Asia with cute furnishings ideal for an indoor photo shoot. We asked the staff if it’s alright to take a few shots there while Papa sipped his Capuccino and we shared two servings of Crepes (Peach Crepe and Strawberry Crepe). The staff were kind enough to give in. So, we took some shots there while waiting for the rain to stop, which took forever, until we were hungry again in time for lunch. We had our lunch and my photographer sister had to leave the MOA to go to the DFA to have her passport renewed. She came back around 3 in the afternoon and by then there was a glimpse of the sun. Finally.

So, we grabbed our stuff and went to the Seaside grounds of the MOA to do the shoot. It was unbelievably hot for an afternoon with the sun barely in sight. I was uncomfortable and was itching for the shoot to be over. My feet were killing me. Obviously, they can’t take my weight anymore much less walking back and forth looking for some nice spots for the shoot. I was really grateful (almost to the point that I don’t want to get up) when I lied down on the grass for one shot. We wanted to take some shots as the sun was setting but the extreme heat made it impossible for us. After only a few shots, we were on our way back to the air-conditioned haven of the MOA.

All in all, it was a good experience. I got to bond with my sister and my parents (who were our official PAs for the day). Hopefully, with those few shots we still got some unforgettable ones worth of uploading. :)

Am I Ready for My Close Up?

My photo hobbyist sister has been making me kulit to have my maternity shoot done. We had it scheduled last July at Nuvali but had to postpone a few days before because I was prohibited by my OB from traveling due to the mild contractions that I was experiencing that time. So, we just decided to have the shoot at a location closer to me. We considered some locations like Paco Park or at the Orchidarium in Rizal Park but we end up choosing the MOA Seaside grounds and we’re going to do it tomorrow morning. The truth is I’m not that excited anymore to have my maternity shoot because it has been pretty uncomfortable for me to move around that much, what with my huge belly in the way. Also, I don’t feel pretty anymore and my tummy has stretch marks all over (well, nothing that Photoshop can’t correct, right?). But still. Well, I guess I’ll just have to get it over and done with. This is my first pregnancy anyway so it really is a good idea to have it documented on photos. :)

Packing Time

I’m already on my 32nd week and I’m still listing down things to do and questions to ask my OB on our next check up on August 28. When we last saw her, she told us that Baby Johan should not be making his grand entrance in less than 7 weeks. But, still I want to be prepared just in case the unexpected happens. So, last week I washed some of Johan’s clothes and my MIL finished everything today because I still cannot hand wash everything since I still got wounds on my fingers after I did the washing last week. I wanted to do the packing early on so it would be quick to just grab the bag and rush to the hospital come Labor Day. Still, there are some things that need to be bought and I’m waiting for more of Johan’s stuff which my Mom is supposed to bring from our house in Laguna.

For now, here’s what I am packing:

Three sets of mittens, three socks, sets of side-tie shirts, a couple of bonnets and a receiving blanket