Thoughts on a Baby Girl

I'm on the 27th week with our second baby and it's been anything but a walk in the park. Being on bedrest almost since the beginning is something that I did not expect. I even sent a message to my doctor when she first advised me to stay in bed, "Bedrest, meaning?". I guess I was in denial that I will be tied to the bed the entire pregnancy.

On my 23rd week, we found out that we're having another baby boy. I prepped myself for weeks. I wanted a baby girl but I told myself that it's okay if we will be given another boy. But when we were told of the gender, I had to ask again in disbelief, "What? It's a boy?".

Am I disappointed? Maybe just a bit. I just thought how nice it is to dress up a baby girl and how much cheaper their clothes and shoes are compared to boys'. But, when I am reminded of how sweet Johan is to me, how he constantly hugs me and kisses me and tells me I'm his bestfriend, there is no doubt that I welcome this new baby boy with all my heart.

I've been told by family and friends to try again to have a baby girl after I give birth. But after going through this difficult, complicated and nerve-wracking pregnancy, I don't think I would be physically and emotionally prepared to go through it again. The risks are high that I don't think it's worth giving it another try.

But then there are times when I wonder, "Will I regret not having a baby girl? Am I being selfish for not allowing my husband experience the joys of having a daddy's little girl?".

For now, the answer is no. I am decided that this will be my last pregnancy. I don't want to go through everything all over again. There are factors to consider - my age, my health, our financial capacity, who will take care of the kids when I return to working, what if we tried and it turns out to be another boy instead of a girl, do we keep trying?

I guess we will have to wait and see but as of now I only want to reach full term, deliver a healthy baby boy and prepare myself for more mess, more trucks and balls and cars, more ninja moves, more power rangers dialogue and more hugs, kisses and I love yous from another little man.

Pregnancy Update - 27 Weeks

Last Saturday, we went back to my OB Gyn for a follow up. I've been put to bedrest for more than a month already due to threatened abortion. I am constantly having pelvic bone pains and whenever we see my OB, contractions happen.

It wasn't any different last Saturday. Premature contractions were felt by my OB, my pelvic bone pain is still there. It looks like I won't be able to go back to work prior to delivery. My doctor even wanted me to have myself admitted to the hospital but we had to decline because my HMO does not have coverage for anything pregnancy related and we're currently a single-income household since I have used up all my leaves so we have limited funds as of the moment.

I know that I should refrain myself from thinking and worrying too much but there are days when I just cannot help it. The anxiety on baby number two's condition sometimes is just too much to bear. I even need four doses of steroid shots by Wednesday to aid the development of the baby's lungs and several laboratory tests to take. Add to that the financial burden that my husband is carrying alone and knowing that he's physically and mentally tired of taking care of mine and Johan's needs makes it even harder not to worry.

When I was pregnant with Johan, his stuff were already complete before I reached 30 weeks. Now, we haven't bought anything yet for the baby. Aside from financial restraints, the fear of miscarriage is holding me back from buying things for the baby.

Each day is a struggle to remain positive. I am trying my best not to worry too much and I am just grateful for Johan who constantly makes me laugh. His assignments from school keeps me busy and his excitement rubs off on me whenever he shows me the stamps in his hand whenever he did good in school.

27 weeks - we still have a long way to go in this pregnancy and we definitely need prayers.