Am I Stupid?

I am not a perfect mom. I’ve had my share of tears from the tiring routine of caring for an infant. But, all the aches and tears are so worth it whenever I see Johan reach a milestone – like the first time he smiled, the first time he was able to hold his feeding bottle, the first time he turned over – and I wouldn’t exchange witnessing those to anything in the world.

Just recently, I’ve been told different opinions on me getting back to work. Most of them advised me to stay at home and care for my son even for a little while more while some advised me to work again so I won’t be stagnant and for the extra income. I welcome all opinions as we are all entitled to them anyway but what ticked and bothered me the most was when I was told I am being stupid for not working just because I can’t bear to leave my son at home.

I know I am missing a lot of things by not working – just things. Literally.

It makes me happy to see this little one wake up and when he looks up and sees me, his face automatically brightens and his most charming smile appears. It amuses me that one little boy could shriek so loud in great delight. My heart was filled with pride when this little man was able to turn over on his own and looked up at me as if to say, “I told you I can do it, Mommy.” I am always overflowing with joy when I am able to make this little one laugh just by doing funny faces. I am at peace whenever I look at my son and feel that overwhelming sense of completeness and contentment.

I gave up work when I was still carrying him in my womb. Now, that he’s already here, why shouldn’t I do the same for the sake of taking better care of him?

So, tell me….

AM I STUPID?

What is Love?

It is that first glance of happiness …

 It is early morning stares and one huge smile waking you up at the crack of dawn…

 It is the soft sounds of gentle sleep…

 It is the sweet smile of recognition…

 It is the first signs of accomplishment and pride…

And the feeling of completeness and contentment.

I am in love. Are you?

Birthday Wishes

I just turned a year older today – hopefully a year wiser as well. For my birthday, I’m not wishing for anything material. Instead, I’ll be wishing a few significant things for myself and to those I love.

1. More “us” time for hubby and me, more patience, better understanding and unrequited love.

2. Good health for my baby.

 3. Peace of mind, good health, love and contentment for every member of my family.

4. Love, happiness and more bonding time with my friends.

5. The gift of contentment, self-worth, perseverance, patience and faith for myself.

Yes, I am older. But…

I am happy.

I am in love.

I am loved.

Thanks everyone for your birthday wishes! I love you all!




The birthday girl,

Book Review: Voices of the Faithful Book 2 by Beth Moore and Kim P. Davis

Voices of the Faithful is full of inspiring stories that could affect your lives as Christians. It is a whole year’s worth of devotionals written by missionaries from all over the world from their own experiences and own perspectives.

Some stories are so simple in context but full in meaning that you may be moved to tears. These stories show how God makes all things possible in his own time using people as instruments in spreading his love. This book will teach you the power of prayer and how prayer reaches the hardest of hearts and melts it to receive the love of the Lord.

Voices of the Faithful Book 2 is one great devotional for those who have accepted Jesus but more so for those who are not familiar with the works of God.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Should I or Should I Not?

It’s been days that I’ve been (seriously) thinking about this without arriving at a definite plan. Before giving birth, my mind was set on getting back to work a few months after delivery. Some friends told me then that I might not want to go back to work once Johan arrives but I was adamant on my plan. I was so sure that I would want to work even if Johan arrives.

Now, three months later, what my friends told me proved to be true. I’m finding it hard to apply for a job not because I’m scared I won’t get accepted but because I’m scared the company would call me immediately and hire me. I don’t think I’m ready to leave Johan at home on a daily basis. Just thinking about not being the one giving him a bath, not being there during playtimes, not seeing his many more “firsts” bring me to tears already. Mahirap pala. =)

The reasons why I want to work is to help out hubby with our expenses, that's what I told him, but the truth is to be able to buy Johan the things that hubby won’t allow me to buy using our his money. Husbands are like that, right? Kurips talaga!

Haay, right now I’m still undecided if I should return to working or not. What I do is look for home-based job opportunities so I could earn a little extra but still be here for Johan everyday. Any leads on home based work, anyone?

How can you leave home a cutie like this?

I can do it, Mommy!

Johan struggling

Don’t worry, Mommy!

Almost there, Mommy!

I told you, I can do it!

Proud Mommy,

Johan and the Purple Dinosaur

I don’t know what it is about Barney that kids love him. Johan is no different than other kids. Even at his young age, he already shows preference to this purple dinosaur over his other toys (rattles, red stuffed puppy and Chicco musical phone). Looks like I already have a theme for his 1st birthday. Hmm mmm.

Mornings

My days start at 4 am. Johan usually wakes up at this hour and stays awake for two hours at the most: playing with me, shrieking in laughter as I’m tickling his tummy and chest and talking to me using gurgles as his language, with me talking back at him using the same gurglish-an tongue.

Today started off as the other days, when familiar sounds came from behind and this tiny-little-man-that-melts-my-heart-each-time greeted me:









My day has started.

And it started out right.

Good morning, sunshine!

De-stressing

I got a bit mad at the husband yesterday for not wanting to go to our friends’ despedida get together. I felt like he didn’t understand that I sometimes need to get out of the house to keep my sanity. I even posted this on my Facebook wall:

It read "Sometimes the daily routine of being a mom becomes overwhelming and you do need some time off, so to speak. I just hope that "some" people would try to understand that and realize that "we" do need the company of other people and leave the comforts of home from time to time. The walls of the house won't talk back at you no matter how loud you scream, anyway."

I was super frustrated and I really need to get out of the house to let some steam out, so I left. Well, for only an hour or so because I know I will feel guilty if I leave Johan for a longer period of time. Where did I go? I just went to a nearby mall to de-stress myself. I wanted to shop for clothes but I didn’t find anything worth buying for either Johan and myself (see how mad I was at hubby? I won’t even look at things to buy for him). What I bought were these two items from Daiso:

Small white speaker for the laptop/desktop and smaller speaker for the Ipod, priced at Php 88 each.

I then went to my all-time fave fast food to pig out on comfort food. McDonald’s Cheesburger Meal.

Sorry for the pictures, these were all that was left of my meal when I remembered to take pics so I could blog about it.

When I went home, I was a bit calmer, but I’m still not talking to the husband. Not until he realizes that staying at home sure is easy but being a stay-at-home mom is a whole lot different story. Just let me see him try do a better job at it or at least be able to match what I do. That would teach him!

Still mad at hubby,

Johan’s Photo book – The First Year

It’s under construction, finally. I was so inspired by Kelle Hampton of Enjoying the Small Things’ collection of photo books of her two daughters, Lainey and Nella, that I want to do the same with Johan. I already have hundreds of photos of Johan and he’s only three months old!

So, I decided to start creating his “First Year” photo book and hopefully will have it done by the time he turns one. I already finished five pages and will continue on designing the pages for his monthly birthdays, trips and so on.

Here’s the first few pages of his first ever photo book and I’m looking forward to creating more in the coming years.

Johan’s First Out-of-Town Trip

Well, it’s not really out-of-town considering that Tagaytay is just 30 minutes away from where we live but still.. =)

Hubby and mine’s friends from Hawaii came home last week for their annual vacation. They were the same couple that went with us on our first out-of-town trip to Puerto Galera in 2005. Now, six years later, with kids in tow, we head on to the nearest tourist destination which is Tagaytay.

We left home after lunch and went to People’s Park then had dinner at RSM Restaurant and dropped by Mushroom Burger for some take out. Johan is, as usual, very quiet and just looked around while Hubby carried him. He even fell asleep after being fed while Hubby had him in the SaYa carrier.

Going back to Tagaytay brings back a lot of memories. We were just there last year for our honeymoon and now we were able to bring our little Johan Matthew with us. Hopefully, we could travel to other places even if Johan is still a baby and more so when he’s a bit bigger.

  

It’s Been a While

I know I haven’t been posting blog entries for a while. This is because we had a new cabinet built in our bedroom and the installation lasted for three weeks including the time we allowed the paint to dry. Our things were everywhere and it’s been a mess for three weeks. Finally, the cabinet is finished and we’re back to normal living once again (with additional storage, yay!).

I also have a new keyboard. The old one has reached its full potential, I guess, that the alt, shift and ctrl keys just stopped working one day. That made me seethe every time I had to capitalize the I’s and the beginning of my sentences.

So, I will once again be active in posting entries but I will sort everything that I wanted to write first. Excited!

Milk Supply

I have been stressing about this although I know it would affect my milk supply all the more. My milk supply has made a sudden drop from 4 oz every 2 hours to just 1 oz for the entire day. I'm not sure how it happened but I remember that it started to dwindle after my brother had an accident in late November.

I remember that the last time I breastfed Johan was on the 26th of December and that was also the last time that I was able to pump 8 oz of milk in one session.

I was told not to worry because maybe the stress of the holiday season probably just got to me so my milk has decreased but there are ways to increase it again. But, my hopes aren't that high now after trying Prolacta and drinking Malunggay tea for several days now. I even took 2 Prolacta capsules every morning, 2 in the afternoon and 2 Natalac capsules at night. Still no changes. Worst, Johan refuses to nurse from me. I don't know if I should laugh or cry whenever I try to breastfeed him and his face turns into a grimace like he's disgusted with my breast. I already tried not eating some foods that may contribute to this - like not eat onions, no caffeine intake, no greasy food - but Johan still refuses to feed from me.

My last shot would be the Fenugreek capsules that most of my n@wie sisters suggested. I am still on the search for the lowest price online and would probably order by Monday. I pray that this would make my milk return soon, I wanted to breastfeed Johan at least until the age of 1. Wish me luck, everyone.

Happy 3rd Month Birthday, Johan!

Our little man turned three months! How time flies. Here are some of his milestones:

• He's beginning to show signs of turning over on his tummy. He starts with squirming while lying down until he's able to turn sideways (always on the right) that almost make him turn over on his tummy, almost but not quite. Maybe one of these days, baby.
•  He now makes sounds when he laughs. Before, his were just open-mouthed-no-sound-coming-out kind of laughs, now there are gurgling sounds at the back of his throat with matching "tili" pa.
• He now weighs 6.75 kilos and his pedia said he's big for his age.
• He's upgraded from the small feeding bottle to the big bottle, from 4 oz every two hours to 6 oz every two hours or whenever he's hungry. (I should do something about my dwindling milk supply or I should just accept that it has stopped already than stress myself out everytime I pump just 1 oz everyday)
• He's already "maharot" wanting us to tickle him on his sides, armpits and tummy and he'll give us that most charming smile and super cute laugh.

Johan always, always looking at his cake 

Photo ops with Mommy 

Our charming little one with spiked hair (c/o Mommy) before blowing his cake

Johan's Chocolate Marble Cake from Goldilocks

Happy 3rd month Birthday, Anak!